Who suppresses humanity’s psychic abilities? Bill Nye, the President of Science, apparently.
Adherents of fringe beliefs don’t tend to see reason when their favorite nonsense is debunked; they just slide on to tanother. They go effortlessly from Gamergate to Pizzagate to QAnon(gate) with nary a bit of self-awareness; from the Rapture of 2011 to the “Mayan” apocalypse of 2012 to the arrival of Nibiru in 2017; from starting a Final Fantasy cult to starting a Hannibal cult. Yes, really.
When this happens, the old bullshit tends to go down the memory hole. And so it is with anti-vaccine maven Jenny McCarthy, who’s done all she can to bury that she once explained her son’s autism not with debunked science, but by believing she, and him, were literally magic.
Such is the way of the Indigo Child believer: the precursor to anti-vax, and a strange movement in its own right.
McCarthy’s awakening came when a woman on the street yelled at her.
No, really. Someone told her that she was an Indigo & her son was a Crystal child. And on the word of a Lady Screaming On The Street, she found her purpose in life.
McCarthy embraced the Indigo child identity hard, but only a few years later, she deleted all pages about her belief in Indigo children – and her crusade against vaccines began.
But what exactly were Indigo Children? And how were they related to anti-vaxxers?
Well, let’s look them up. In a delightful field of embarrassingly sincere artwork, we find a succinct, 14-point checklist of Signs You May Be An Indigo Child:
This is a narrow list that limits Indigo Children exclusively to: every overly-sincere-and-awkward teen; every liberal arts student who just discovered politics; every Weird Horse Girl. Wow, truly a paranormal phenomenon at work.
But the Indigo Child phenomenon relied on its vagueness, on the ability of just about any mom to fit their child into their rubric. Other countdowns make it even more weaselly: you may have had a difficult childhood. Or a nice one. The Indigo Child tent is big. Pagan author Lorna Tedder claimed every pagan mom she knew had an “Indigo child”, and some believers claim as many as 95% of children are born with Indigo or Crystal ~ E N E R G I E S ~
But what are Indigo Children?
To put it simply, Indigo Children are children born with indigo auras, and Crystal Children are children born with crystal auras.
“Ah”, I hear you say. “Ah.”
The internet’s most respectable resource, Crystalinks dot com, seems surprisingly dubious on the phenomenon, but does quote the original 10-point indigo child list:
They come into the world with a feeling of royalty (and often act like it).
They have a feeling of “deserving to be here,” and are surprised when others don’t share that.
Self-worth is not a big issue; they often tell the parents “who they are.”
They have difficulty with absolute authority (authority without explanation or choice).
They simply will not do certain things; for example, waiting in line is difficult for them.
They get frustrated with systems that are ritually oriented and don’t require creative thought.
They often see better ways of doing things, both at home and in school, which makes them seem like “system busters” (nonconforming to any system).
They seem antisocial unless they are with their own kind. If there are no others of like consciousness around them, they often turn inward, feeling like no other human understands them. School is often extremely difficult for them socially.
They will not respond to “guilt” discipline (“Wait till your father gets home and finds out what you did”).
They are not shy in letting it be known what they need.
“Born feeling like royalty”, does not follow rules, doesn’t respond to consequences – a magical indigo child, or a rich kid? The results will NOT surprise you!
Commentary on the Indigo child is effusive in its praise, but hazy in the specifics. Indigo children have ‘special auras’. Indigo children will ‘change the world’. But what of the specifics? Let’s look at THIS reasonable looking site:
“Put simply, thousands of years ago we began to “think” instead of “feel.””
“With past as our guide, we gave our power to the ego, which made us fearful. The intellect caused us to lose our connection to the collective consciousness, making us feel alone.”
“Some adults have been able to gain at least a part of this former knowing. They in turn are giving birth to children who remember how the collective consciousness works and they are using it. The indigo offspring is their descendant.”
But this site lays bare the truth. A Indigo child ‘bores easily’. Is ‘prone to insomnia’. ‘Has a history of depression’.
“Has probably been diagnosed as having ADD or ADHD”.
Indigo children were almost universally children with ADD or ADHD, raised by parents who would rather believe their child was an alien than that their child need Ritalin.
And here is where we see the seed that birthed anti-vaxxers; that made their transition from talking about auras to talking about debunked medical science.
“Indigo Children who take Ritlin or other psychotropic drugs soon lose touch with their intuition, psychic abilities, and warrior personality. These children were sent to Earth with these three spiritual gifts for the express purpose of cleaning up our planet, environmentally and socially.” Care and Feeding of Your Indigo Child, Doreen Virtue
Suppressive drugs such as Ritlin, can cause an indigo child to forget their life’s purpose, which only delays what HAS to change on our earth for us to continue living on it.
Indigo parents believed their children didn’t really have ADHD; in fact, ritalin suppressed their natural, magical gifts, and so parents should deny their children medicine that could help them.
One of the reasons an indigo, crystal or rainbow child has trouble sleeping is because wayward spirits are attracted to them. These spirits know these children can see and sense them. This makes them more irritable and restless in school. The schools and doctors decide from this they are ADHD or ADD.
Crystal children, meanwhile, were typically diagnosed with autism. And that’s how Jenny McCarthy found her way from crystal auras to antivax: how people went from denying their children medicine so as to not ‘suppress’ their gifts, to suspecting the medicine itself was the problem. From a more outré type of denialism – doctors are trying to drug the MAGIC out of your ALIEN ghost child! – to the more simple “this one discredited doctor’s study proves this vaccine is bunk, so let’s bring back measles.”
But both are related to hatred of their children – of love that’s conditional. Indigo and crystal children believers could only love their ADD-diagnosed child if they could rationalize it as them really being special in some way; vaccine believers would rather their children be dead than autistic. And both abuse their children by withholding healthcare. Neither is kooky or harmless; and when anti-vaxxers finally disappear, let us hope they disappear for good, and don’t move on to something new.
Flat Earthers: The world is flat, and some unknown organization is faking space photographs, flights and cruises to prevent anyone from going to the ice wall that they think exists because they misread a map. By means unknown, this organization somehow profits from inexplicably spending millions, maybe billions annually to make people think the Earth’s flat…for…some…reason? Despite their vast resources & nefarious nature, this organization can of course be outsmarted by some Youtubers.
GamerGate: A game developer used corrupt means to make someone who didn’t ever review their game give a positive review that doesn’t exist to a game that was free. You know, for the sales. After reading some articles that suggested maybe gamers weren’t all nerdy young white straight men anymore as meaning that gamers were literally dead, the geniuses of GamerGate pretended a movement whose origins occurred in public was actually about how gaming journalism wasn’t as ethical as it was in the days of Nintendo Power. Despite this, the conspiracy of corrupt game critics could of course be outsmarted by some Youtubers.
Also, everyone who believed this is a Nazi now.
PizzaGate: Campaign staffers ate pizza at a popular pizza joint in DC. Somehow this means there’s a secret child abuse cult based in the basement, despite the restaurant not having a basement, and also every part of that sentence being deranged horseshit. I don’t even know here. Despite the cult’s resources, this grand Satanic conspiracy can of course be outsmarted by some Youtubers.
Also, everyone who believed this is a Nazi now.
Medicine denialists: Pharmaceutical companies spend hundreds of millions of dollars on cures for diseases, only to throw them in the trash, for some reason, I guess? Also, the cure for your toxic toxins in your body are [insert whatever scam you’re pitching here]. Despite the pharmaceutical industry’s shadowy nature & vast resources, this conspiracy of greed can of course be outsmarted by some Youtubers.
White genocide: People who aren’t white exist, have kids. Literally. That’s it.
Also, everyone who believes this was already a Nazi.
QAnon: A rando on 4Chan knows secret blah blah I can’t do this anymore. What the fuck. How was that a thing.
Also, Nazis, all of them, etc.
Welcome back. I sure didn’t update much in 2018, except to celebrate the ongoing death of the InfoWars empire.
Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in Austin… near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read…
And on the pedestal these words appear:
‘My name is Alex Jones, buy my brain supplements;
Before Obama turns frogs gay!’
Nothing beside remains.
Solemnly presses F.
But we’re snared in an ongoing conspiracy hell, and so the Space Lizard Report must rise with…a post about viral ads people think are evidence of the paranormal.
“It’s a viral ad” is the most tired of suggestions tossed out whenever a paranormal event is recorded, no matter how unlikely (I have fond memories of people accusing Cartoon Network of planting the Montauk Monster corpse). But sometimes it’s true: something created as part of a guerilla ad campaign loses its context, loses its last-second website link or show tease, and is believed by many thousands, even millions of people as evidence of the supernatural. Here are some examples.
Most popular upload: 449K views; millions across multiple uploads; appeared on Japanese TV show
Real Origin: Sci-Fi Channel ad campaign
Here’s one I covered before. A series of fake ads for the Sci-Fi Channel, Sci-Fi Happens seemed destined to be forgotten…until this one ad from 2000 gained new and horrible significance. Half-remembered viewings fed into the myth, even transforming into a sighting “the day before” the attacks instead of an ad from a full year earlier. It was easy to forget it was an ad; it was easy to assume it had been on Sightings or some other paranormal show, or even on the nascent paranormal internet.
Of course, now that we have the video there’s no excuse.
Spread as: Internet meme, myth, odd and unexplained cameos in the revived X-Files
Real origin: An ad agency doing…something?
This Man was a creepy myth about a man who appeared in the dreams of man all over the world. What was he? What was he doing? What was his sinister plan?
To be an…art project? Failed film pitch? Who…knows? Crafted by an ad agency. Sure.
“Alien Attacks Police Officer”
Spread As: 660K+ views across popular uploads
Real Origin: Viral ad for The 4400
Oh, The 4400. A good mid-00s sci-fi show on USA, The 4400 focused on 4,400 missing people who returned in a ball of light after years, even decades away. Soon, they discover that many of the 4,400 possess supernatural abilities; and all are back for a reason…
Sadly, The 4400 is a good display of what could be termed the Anti-Lost: that is, the opposite of Lost. The 4400 is that rare show that explained too much: by the end of the six-episode first season, we’ve been told the entire story behind the abductions. The 4400 never became a bad show, except during a stretch where it made a character’s baby grow up in seconds & become an all-powerful demi-god, which, what even, but it never reached the heights of a Lost or even early Heroes.
And so, by the time of The 4400‘s final season, only 8,000 people watched a video called “Promicin Freak Kills Cop”.
…and so it was easy-pickings for someone to strip off the The 4400 promos at the start and end, and turn it into a dubious paranormal video stalwart for years to come.
Source for debunking: IsaacKoi
John Titor, Time Traveler
Spread as: internet meme; urban legend
Real Origin: Ad for a book
Another one I’ve covered previously, the news that John Titor had long been solved – as an ad for a shitty book that no one read – was a tremendous disappointment. Now, let us move on.
English Sewer Alien
Spread as: 1 Million+ views over multiple uploads
Real Origin: April Fool’s Day prank by a utility company
Multiple videos uploaded by United Utilities show an unnerving creature hiding in England’s sewers; they’ve become a mainstay of creepy video compilations ever since.
Of course, they brush past a few facts: the video’s April 1st upload date, or that its creators openly said it was a prank meant to make people think about the real issue of flushing waste down the drain. Oh well.
Teleporting Girl In China
Spread as: 11 million views on most popular upload
Real Origin: ad for a MMO
Another mainstay of bullshit video compilations, here we see it uploaded with an ostentatious Guy Fawkes Mask intro.
The invaluable IsaacKoi also provides the source for this one: after apparently debating if angels exist for several pages, AboveTopSecret noticed a game company’s logo subtly inserted into the video. Then they discovered that the video was straight-up linked on the game’s website. Whoops.
The SJW Illuminati New World Order NPC Soy Boy Triple-Bracket Bugman Antifa Supersoldier Normie Virtue Signaler Soros-funded Cultural Marxist Cuck plot to forever plunge western civilization – that totally unified society that’s always shared values and heritage, even when at war with each other for 90% of human history – into degeneracy and an age of ceaseless hypersensitivity has unveiled its latest plan, and the only person brave enough to speak out against hypersensitivity is some dweebus screaming at a traffic light because it hurt his feelings.
Meet Mark Collett. He didn’t make today’s video, but he did share it, and he looks like a failed magician desperately pushing card tricks during his night shift at Kinko’s, so.
Mark Collett starred in the infamous documentary Young, Nazi and Proud; he displayed vile, undisguised racism, which of course had no place in the British National Party. The BNP punished him for his naked bigotry by making him head of publicity, and only sacking him when he threatened the party’s leader, Nick Griffin, who looks like he has a side gig as a mayor in a monster movie trying to keep the beaches open.
Now, Collett is known as a podcast host and author of unreadable books about how people who don’t look like him having children is tantamount to the Holocaust. And now, he’s an ardent supporter of people who scream at street lights for no apparent reason:
UK traffic lights now use gender neutral symbols instead of a green man! More liberal nonsense.pic.twitter.com/XWPsCF4ZYc
— Mark Collett (@MarkACollett) October 17, 2018
An anonymous bearded Nazi with the bizarre and existentially frustrating handle “Onlinemagazin” is standing on a street corner, loudly waiting for the “green man”. The little green man in the box who helps him navigate his way home so he can spend another night trying desperately to free the little men from his television. “Who trapped you in this box?” he screams, shaking the TV. “Was it the transes? Who did this to you!?”
But our intrepid protagonist is disappointed: for there is not a green man, but a green gender symbol telling him to walk. “There you fuckin’ go!” He screams, as the light turns red again. Perhaps you should focus less on the symbol and more on the color, Mr. Onlinemagazin.
He conjures a conspiracy from a street light: to the confusion of those around him – Londoners trying to get on with their lives – he screams about how you can have a “red man” because it’s negative, but the walk symbol must be a lesbian/trans/gay/genderfluid arcane rune, designed to brainwash all of the UK into hating all men.
Of course, this is nonsense. These alternate stoplights are an temporary addition for Pride, and Piers Morgan has done more to make Britain hate men than any stop light ever could.
And so Monsieur Onlinemagazin, and his Nazi-documentary-boy supporters, walk off into the night, ranting to the air about street lights, boldly ignoring them in their righteous outrage and wandering straight into an open manhole. Hey – at least the sewers of London are more pleasant than spending time around the alt-right.
A short list of garbage fire conspiracy horseshit banned or deplatformed since I last posted:
- Alex Jones’ Infowars was banned from everywhere but Twitter after years of harassing shooting victim’s families and being general shitheads, and then banned on Twitter when Alex Jones yelled at the CEO. Oddly, Infowars-adjacent Paul Joseph “afraid of a bean” Watson videos remain.
- Reddit banned all QAnon subs, including r/GreatAwakening, and quarantined incel & MRA subs like r/theredpill and r/braincels (where the users of banned sub r/incels fled), and quarantined, but oddly did not ban, white supremacist subs.
- And just now, MRA haven Return of the Kings has gone on “hiatus” after losing ad revenue.
Good job, guys! Maybe next time repulsive fringe communities will be banned before they have a chance to fester, leading to years of harassment, violence and four to eight years of an outright fascist President.
[CW: pedophilia/child abuse, rape mention]
Judge: Plaintiff may approach the bench.
Cernovich: Thank you, your honor. I may be a simple GamerGate Lawyer, but today I seek to prove two things. One, that several celebrities are secret pedophiles based off of old tweets, and two, that a man doing it for one’s self drains them of their natural vigor, their life force, their-
Judge: …could you please explain to the court what you’re talking about?
Cernovich: Mastubation, your honor.
Judge: Did you just say…mastubation?
Cernovich: I said what I mean, your honor.
Judge: Alright. Just…stick to your case and not to the…
Judge: That. You may proceed.
Cernovich: Your honor, the director James Gunn made several problematic jokes before he found fame with Guardians of the Galaxy. These tweets proving his involvement in a secret ring of pedophiles were discovered by me-
Defense: Objection, your honor. These tweets were widely discussed at the time, and our client has apologized and moved on.
Cernovich: Impossible. If personal growth and change was possible, why don’t I know about it?
Judge: Objection sustained. Gamergate lawyer Mike Cernovich, you did not discover the tweets in question. They were widely discussed by people with an actual stake in them years ago. Move on.
Cernovich: Very well. Now, most men don’t know how their super serum is diluted by jerking it-
Judge: The court commands the plaintiff to never use the phrase ‘jerking it’ again. Please, your next target. I mean the next defendant.
Cernovich: Ah, this is a truly terrible case. Dan Harmon made a video parodying Dexter in 2009.
Cernovich: He publicly released it, and then deleted it when he had second thoughts. But I don’t what that phrase means, so let’s say I discovered this.
Judge: A parody of Dexter proves he’s part of a pedophile ring.
Cernovich: Isn’t it stupid of this wide-reaching, powerful conspiracy to place all their evidence in joke tweets and videos a simple Gamergate lawyer can find years later? But I’ve caught ’em.
Judge: Do you have any proof beyond this Dexter parody?
Cernovich: No. But does it matter? I took an anti-Roman Polanski joke from Sam Seder and used it to smear him as a rapist. MSNBC crumbled and fired him without a second thought. He came back, but the alt-right’s gamed outrage so successfully they can get anyone fired in the space of day. Everyone folds so quickly, not knowing the difference between good-faith outrage and cynical campaigns against political rivals like our’s. That’s why James Gunn is fired for jokes he apologized for, but people will keep throwing money at a man who led a hate campaign, invented a conspiracy theory, and is even an admitted rapist. You know, like Mike Cerno-uh….
Judge: Finish the sentence.
Cernovich: Who best to defend John Connor from a Terminator than a Terminator? It’s like that – who best to catch a sex criminal than a sex criminal? Established part of legal practice.
Judge: No, it’s not! Where did you get your law degree? Gamergate University?
Cernovich: I, uh…I…I would like to reassure the jury that I will never jerk off.
Judge: Please remove the plantiff from the court.
Cernovich: I will never jerk off! I will never jerk off! I will never-
The world is going to hell. In an era of government corruption, creeping power and open descent into fascism, conspiracy theorists are doing just what you’d expect they do: ignore every problem in favor of ranting about feminists and Star Wars. Because who cares about the world’s problems when they don’t impact well-off twenty-something white nerds?
There are many problems with journalism today: the rise of fake news as a phenomenon bolstered by prominent right-wing figures; editorial writers who would rather regurgitate the same tepid story bashing college students than talk about actual problems; and the growing reach of companies like Sinclair Broadcasting. Anyway, Reddit is creeped out by journalists talking about Star Wars:
“What the hell is with the way article headlines are being written these days? At first, it felt like a humorous coincidence, but now it’s seriously starting to creep me out”
My god! You’re telling me internet clickbait often uses repetitive headline structures? Gosh, ya cracked the case!
This thread – sitting at +2764, with 91% upvotes – continues to discuss this vile conspiracy to, uh, have opinions about Star Wars.
“Many people don’t read beyond the headline. It happens even on here. With the style of writing shown in the OP you don’t just quickly inform the smartphone addict, you also immediately tell them how to feel about that information.”
Or maybe it’s teasing what the author thinks about the subject. But nope, having an opinion in a story about media is brainwashing people. And that’s why Roger Ebert is history’s greatest monster.
“Nobody has the time to read an entire article and then do all the critical thinking required to reach an opiniated conclusion.”
Nobody reads articles anymore, whines someone who complained about dozens of news stories they didn’t read because of a meme.
“Because they entire media apparatus is owned by a single middle eastern tribe.”
SHARK NOISE SHARK NOISE! It’s the Antisemitism Megalodon!
(((And that’s a good thing)))
I don’t know how to process someone implying a phrase is Jewish. When you’re so Antisemitic you think a collection of five words is in league with George Soros.
“I don’t bother reading beyond the headline on reddit because I assume the comments will contain a more researched and nuanced discussion than the actual article”
This may seem odd, but to be fair, Redditors do have high IQs due to all that Rick and Morty.
I think you don’t get it.
- Movies / TV are cultural nuclear weapons.
- People are influenced by what they sense – without realizing it.
- The more you repeat a message – the more it will be accepted and embraced.
Insidious messages like “that movie you liked as a kid, but now with women in it” are truly the modern nuke.
I’ll always enjoy the internet dork dude backlash against The Force Awakens for the magical phrase “little white cuck ball”. There is so much to unpack in an 4Chan user reading psychosexual, racist meaning into BB8. BB8, the little soccer ball droid. “Little white cuck ball” is the modern “cellar door” – it is a statement too beautiful to fully take in. The human mind cannot plumb its depths.
“The articles are shaping the perception of the masses (with variations of the message depending on the target) to accept critical and masterfully crafted, hidden and integrated ideas shown in major film such as star wars.
The goal being a continuous shift of the cultural paradigm towards a global unification, also known as new world order.
You embrace ideas that were repugnant to your grandparents and your grandsons and granddaughters will go throught the same process.
We were born in a cult and Star Wars is a tool to evangelize (replace old cultures with new ones) so the small amount of cult leaders can keep enslaving billions of humans.”
Jesus, dude. Just…Jesus. You need a hobby. Maybe collect some stamps or something. Just…do anything but this
And ah yes, I’ve always been proud of my ancestor’s motto, “we’re super mad about women being in a movie that doesn’t exist yet”. A truly noble lineage.
“Operation Mockingbird. CIA controls all aspects of MSM, and the popular narratives on “social media”. Welcome to fascism.”
*sees every Trump speech, the alt-right, and Charlottesville* True fascism is people having different opinions than me about Star Wars.
r/conspiracy could discuss many things. But oddly, this community of paranoid young men with a oppression complex who hate women, minorities and Jews somehow overlooks everything Trump does. Who could possibly know why? But by God, they’ll fight against anyone who vaguely criticize Star Wars, or praise the Star Wars movies they don’t like, or hold an opinion they disagree with even slightly, with all the fierceness anonymous internet commenters can muster.
This is my first post of the year, and naturally, I spent it on some weird, petty Reddit thing. But The Space Lizard Report will return more regularly – as soon as I can install a global conspiracy to make people like the prequels.
Paul Joseph Watson, a vlogger in Alex Jones’ sprawling paranoid media empire-slash-supplement lifestyle brand InfoWars, is a major figure in modern paranoid internet dude conservatism, or – as he’d describe it – the new punk rock.
Yeah man, you’re really annoying the leftists by saying something dumb and getting called dumb before everyone moves on with their life.
Paul Joseph Watson is a tough rebel, an iconoclast who fears nothing – except for soybeans.
“Soy boy” is the latest term to spread like wildfire through the alt-right/InfoWars/terrible internet dude scene. Like all of their terminology – from “cuck” to “virtual signaler” – it’s treated as a devastating insult by those who use it, and is heard by everyone else as meaningless horseshit. Just like Watson’s own personal catchphrase, “imagine my shock”. Wow, buddy…I’m starting to think you aren’t really shocked, or something.
Soy feminizes men, Watson says. “You’ve probably seen the Buzzfeed Try Guy video where they measure their testosterone”, he goes on, apparently not knowing what “probably” means. I don’t think I’ve ever googled “testosterone levels of the staff of a website I dislike”, but then again I haven’t shilled even one dubious brain pill.
Watson thankfully includes a two-minutes-hate of feminist men who made a Tweet he dislikes, who also once tweeted about eating soy. Frantically searching for signs your enemies ate a food is a perfectly normal activity. Who hasn’t done such a thing? As you’d expect, this montage ranges from political celebrities to just random nobodies who made a bad Tweet once. Also, he takes a chance to be xenophobic about refugees, because of course.
You’d also expect random cuts to things we’re just instinctively meant to understand as bad. For example, Watson cuts to a woman – unnamed, and never mentioned in the video – saying “I’m triggered”. You sure showed…uh, whoever that was. He also cuts to Jeb Bush. Hasn’t JEB! suffered enough?
The crux of Watson’s theory is that soy contains estrogen. Babies are being fed a soy milk formula, and thus there’s a grand theory about how there’s a plot to raise a generation of Soy Boys. A terrifying world where boys are, uh, feminine a bit, maybe? The implications are truly not that troubling, honestly.
Soy boy outrage ran through the alt-right like a wildfire. Perhaps its finest result was leading 4Chan users to drink onion juice to offset the “effects” of soy and regain their manliness. Stefan “once posed as a woman online to agree with himself” Molyneux compared the consumption of soy to the fall of Rome.
But by and large, “soy boy” has become just another insult thrown about by the alt-right, a sign of cutting wit to them and a sign of meaningless, braying jackassery to everyone else. There’ll be a new one a week from now, and it’ll be just as confounding. But at least we can take pleasure in the fact that this one hurt 4Chan literally.
Nessie, Area 51, Roswell: names like this define UFO and paranormal lore. This is not a series about them. In Distant Encounters, we tour the strangest, most isolated tales of encounters with the unknown.
Skinwalker Ranch is a fascinating little footnote in UFO lore. A ranch near Ballard, Utah, it gained fame in the mid-90s when a series of stories by journalist George Knapp in the Deseret News documented strange events witnessed by its new owners, the Shermans. The Shermans reported seeing:
…three specific types of UFOs repeatedly during the past 15 months – a small boxlike craft with a white light, a 40-foot-long object and a huge ship the size of several football fields.
But Skinwalker Ranch truly enters UFO lore when the National Institute for Discovery Science, a paranormal research organization founded by businessman Robert Bigelow, acquired it in 1996. The NIDSci folded in 2004 after discovering precisely jack shit.
Yet a faithful remains, and today’s story concerns one of the many entities detailed on the Skinwalker Ranch’s delightfully Web 1.0 website. Despite being maybe the most-researched UFO hotspot in the world, photos of the Ranch’s alien entities – which include sentient mist and alien portals – mostly document just one unearthly being.
The Bulletproof Wolf.
This “dire wolf” like creature has long dirty mangy grey/black hair. Has a proud, intimidating, and intense like presence.
Intense like presence. It’s clearly proud, clearly intimidating, but merely intense adjacent.
At this time I am unsure if it is hostile or friendly, my impression was neither more majestic and to be feared in nature.
I wasn’t sure if the wolf was hostile, so I shot at it as much as I possibly could.
Large sturdy body structure. Has an unusually long and bushy tail.
A scary wolf with the fluffiest tail in the world!
Has a penetrating stare, but is unable/unwilling to communicate verbally or psychically.
This wolf must be an alien: it’s incapable of the speech and telepathy normal wolves are famed for.
Said to show up about %15 of the time, the bulletproof wolf is oddly the subject of nearly all entity photographs.
Look at this goddamn monstrosity, um, walking. Away from us. What is this dastardly alien direwolf planning?
How could there possibly be a reddish-furred, bushy-tailed, wolf-like animal in the Southwestern United States? If such a thing existed, science would know about it.
NOPE, it’s a composite witness sketch of the Beast of Bray Road – a werewolf myth from Wisconsin. Here it is on the site of Beast of Bray Road researcher Linda Godfrey.
…yes, I recognized it off the top of my head.
If you enjoy swiping from better-known legends, you’ll enjoy the Skinwalker Ranch’s Youtube channel, which includes videos on the Paulding Lights and New Jersey’s ghost car.
Chupacabra’s my favorite small ungulate.
That’s not a bulletproof wolf. It’s a testament to your inexplicable inability to either identify or shoot coyotes.
If you’re curious as to the site’s records of other, less wolf-adjacent entities, here’s a photo of one of its famed alien portals opening.
And that tells you everything you need to know about Skinwalker Ranch.