The Week in Conspiracy Theories: Top Minds Explore The Satanic Origins of Feminism, Islamophobia Down Under and More!

Feminism: A Secret Freemason Plot?

Via r/conspiratard comes this jumble of run-on sentences alleging that Feminism is a Rockefeller/Rothschild/Satanist/Freemason conspiracy to make sure the state raises children, not parents.

56561954Feminism is a cruel hoax, telling women their natural biological instincts are “socially constructed” to oppress them. It is elite social engineering designed to poison male-female relations – divide and conquer. By promoting Feminism, the state is able to gain the allegiance of women to promote more government control. Their twin objectives are depopulation and totalitarian world government. Research it so you can believe your own eyes. IT’S A TRAP! IT’S A SET UP!


To be a Freemason, in most lodges you have to be two things:

  1. A man
  2. Religious (usually Christian)

But let’s not dwell on those facts. Let’s instead dwell on this site’s bizarre images:

fem 3

Women! They have eyes! The All-Seeing Eye. Money. Government. Women making a hand symbol! Three of them! Looks like three sixes. ARE WOMEN A FREEMASON-ILLUMINATI-SATANIST PLOT!??? Of course! IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!

Bill Cosby: Victim of – No, Goddammit, He Is Not

Do people really believe there’s a conspiracy to take down Bill Cosby? A conspiracy that struck decades after the peak of his fame? Well, I discovered…this.

Asamota’s Corner rushed to defend Bill Cosby: he’s made 15 posts this month and two-thirds of them are about Cosby. In the past, he’s gone to bat for Ray Rice, Adrian Peterson and critics of the “ebo-lie”.

I can’t make it through this post. It’s a directionless rant laced with misogyny, an obnoxious, terrible opinion expressed in an obnoxious, terrible way.

If You Are Bitten By A Muslim, You Will Turn Into One During the Crescent Moon!

Kirralie Smith wants to keep halal food off Australian shelves. She believes the fee companies pay to get their food certified halal funds terrorists. Her fans convinced a yogurt company to drop a lucrative contract with Emirates, an Dubai-based airline and the world’s most successful soccer team. Her allies include reporters and members of Parliament, even though she’s wrong about everything: there’s no evidence the fees fund terrorism or increase prices significantly. So what’s the problem?

“Islam won’t need all out violent jihad to dominate the world. It is being done by stealth and you and I are funding it every day with our grocery purchases”.

Islam will conquer the world with food no one’s forcing you to buy! The tyranny of options at the grocery store! Kathy, don’t go – you might catch Islam from some halal yogurt!

Smith simultaneously believes all Muslims want everyone to submit and that Australian Muslims don’t want everyone to submit.

What are the odds that people like her once published screeds against kosher food in stores?

When I Say The Bad Thing, You Say Blame the Jews. When I Say Anything…

A mass shooting occurred this week. Actually it may have been more than one, there’s so many that they blend together. I’m sure people in other countries have the same – oh, they’ve been eliminated in the rest of the developed world? Literally only country sees them happen regularly?

Anyway, here’s some asshole who blames their “FALSE FLAG” comment getting deleted on a vast Jewish mind control conspiracy.

Y’all Motherfuckers Lying and Getting Me Pissed

“People are def using the Juggalo name to cover up their crimes to try and pin an blame it on them obviously ESP with all the news about ICP losing to FBI regarding the case saying that juggalos are a gang.”

Actually, It’s About Ethics

Why can’t GamerGaters be this dedicated to their cause??

Internet movements usually flame out within days, but GamerGate’s still going on.

Anita Sarkeesian appeared on the Colbert Report. Stephen Colbert agreed with her and it ended in a bit where he became a feminist (but is he a Satanic Freemason?). Gaters are still trying to prove that, somehow, Colbert’s on their side. A elaborate theory that he planned his show and interviews perfectly to sabotage Sarkeesian’s points in a way no one would get except Gaters, because Colbert’s comedy is subtle. Presumably he was too worried about the VAST SJW CONSPIRACY to say what he truly believes.


From the Friday news dump: turns out everyone reacted properly to Benghazi and there’s no conspiracy!