RAINBOWS? IN OUR SPRINKLERS!?

July 6th, 2007. 4:30 PM. Northern California. A woman uncovers HAARP’s “rainbow aerosols” that create rainbows…near the ground! You didn’t see that sort of thing 20 years ago, she declares in vibrant and readable muddy yellow on muddy red.

“What the heck is in our water supply?” this warrior for truth asks, “What the heck is in our oxygen supply? …What is oozing out of our ground?”” What dastardly scheme is Roy G. Biv up to now!?

“Well all know this didn’t happen 20 years ago,” apparently, “But now it’s happening now.”

“We need to raise our voices, before they take away our rights…in their never-ending thirst for energy sources!”

Huh? What does this have to do with rainbows? In our sprinklers? If you’re hoping for an explanation, there is none: after 2 minutes, the bizarre odyssey of a woman who really, really hates rainbows ends as mysteriously as it began. That mystifying lack of context, awful video quality and inane source of panic mark this as one of the greatest conspiracy theory videos of all time, a true work of art.

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The Space Lizard Report is being retooled. There shall be a cool new friend (whom everyone will talk about when he isn’t on-screen) and babies for everyone, and it will soon be multi-camera. LAUGH TRACK

Browsing r/conspiracy is depressing. And you can only call out violent paranoia and bigotry so many times. So while I’ll still mock conspiracy theories, I’ll also make fun of all kinds of weird, paranormal sub-cultures. UFOlogists! Ghost hunters! Crytozoologists! Forteana believers of all kinds! There’s a smorgasbord of oddities out there beyond loathsome Redditors, and it’s time to explore it.

 

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