Month: November 2016

The Curious Case of Marilyn Monroe’s Purported Reincarnation

marilyn

Here is a vintage case: the tale of a Canadian singer who believed herself to be Marilyn Monroe reborn, and the doctor who believed her. It hails from ye olde 2005, and has been immortalized in the book Marilyn Monroe Returns: The Healing of a Soul, which has a mighty four stars on Amazon after nineteen reviews. Despite the overall positive rating, the top reviews are all distinctly negative – with even believers in reincarnation calling the book’s case a stretch.

You may regard reincarnation as primarily a spiritual matter: a process where, upon death, a person’s soul moves on to another body – which may be completely different, and may indeed – depending on the belief system – not even be human. But Dr. Adrian Finkelstein believes reincarnation to be an altogether different process. Namely, one can decode a individual’s past lives not via hypnotic regression or memories, but because they look similar to their prior self:

Dr. Finkelstein become convinced that Ms. Laird is indeed the reincarnation of Ms. Monroe, not only due to her memories, but also due to the presence of similarities in facial bone structure, hands, handwriting, voice pattern, linguistics and personality traits that exist between Marilyn Monroe and Sherrie Lea Laird.

I can understand the same soul showing the same personality across lives, but the same bone structure? The same physical appearance? Does a reincarnated soul warp their new form into its favored appearance, or does it specifically seek out fetuses that will grow up to look like their past self?

Ms. Laird, who goes by the stage name, Sherrie Lea, is a singer whose production of No Ordinary Love hit the top of the charts in Canada and Europe. It is interesting to note that in her film Bus Stop, Marilyn’s role was of a singer named Cherie.

So Marilyn Monroe is reborn, and she names herself – not Marilyn, not Norma, but to…a name that’s kind of similar to one of her characters.

Sherrie Lea Laird experienced vivid memories of her life as Marilyn Monroe, but more importantly, she looks just like her:

sherrie

MY GOD, THE RESEMBLANCE IS UNCANNY! (more…)

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The Space Lizard Report Hits the Big Time

In September 2014, I posted about a theory that a Cubs-Brewers game revealed the secret Illuminati messages in baseball. A few days ago, as you may have heard from literally everywhere, the Chicago Cubs, a rich baseball team with a high payroll in the nation’s third largest market, finally shook their underdog persona and broke their curse, winning the World Series. And as you’d guess, traffic went up, because apparently when a team wins a sports championship a certain percentage of weirdos run to Google to see if they’re part of the Illuminati. And so a blog post full of now-outdated jokes about the Cubs’ futility is now my most popular.

As a Brewers fan, I’m incapable of experiencing joy whilst sober. But if I could, I would be gleeful about today’s blog traffic.

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“That’s quite a spike in your blog’s normally pathetic traffic,” you might be thinking, “but why boast about what are, again, pretty underwhelming numbers, and a dreadful views-per-visitor?”

It’s not the numbers that excite me. It’s the source.

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You may note that my blog post was shared on Reddit.

Specifically, r/conspiracy.

Unironically.

I rushed to r/conspiracy, excited to see how they took my work. Alas, the post was downvoted to Hell. But that’s still good for over 100 views, and being unpopular in r/conspiracy carries a certain appeal in and of itself.

rconspiracy

The comments are strangely reasonable, especially in their hatred of the St Louis Cardinals. My post, which says…

The Masons and the Illuminati have a dastardly plan and they chose to reveal it…via the Chicago Cubs and Milwaukee Brewers? What’s next, a message from the reptilians at a Jaguars-Titans game? Is this the Illuminati equivalent of dumping news you want buried on a Friday afternoon?

…and…

And the devastation of the world shall, as always, fool everyone except for some random person on the internet who believes they’re a genius and the only one to figure everything out.

…has now been cited as potential evidence of the Cubs’ Illuminati ties. I’m only sad by the post’s stunning lack of virality. May I one day be the subject of vast and terrible rage-comments, or get a hoax massively upvoted. One can always dream. What a world, what a world.