Alex Jones

Some Long-Awaited Obituaries

A short list of garbage fire conspiracy horseshit banned or deplatformed since I last posted:

  • Alex Jones’ Infowars was banned from everywhere but Twitter after years of harassing shooting victim’s families and being general shitheads, and then banned on Twitter when Alex Jones yelled at the CEO. Oddly, Infowars-adjacent Paul Joseph “afraid of a bean” Watson videos remain.
  • Reddit banned all QAnon subs, including r/GreatAwakening, and quarantined incel & MRA subs like r/theredpill and r/braincels (where the users of banned sub r/incels fled), and quarantined, but oddly did not ban, white supremacist subs.
  • And just now, MRA haven Return of the Kings has gone on “hiatus” after losing ad revenue.

Good job, guys! Maybe next time repulsive fringe communities will be banned before they have a chance to fester, leading to years of harassment, violence and four to eight years of an outright fascist President.

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In Which Conspiracy Theorists Face Their Greatest Fear – a bean

Paul Joseph Watson, a vlogger in Alex Jones’ sprawling paranoid media empire-slash-supplement lifestyle brand InfoWars, is a major figure in modern paranoid internet dude conservatism, or – as he’d describe it – the new punk rock.

Yeah man, you’re really annoying the leftists by saying something dumb and getting called dumb before everyone moves on with their life.

Paul Joseph Watson is a tough rebel, an iconoclast who fears nothing – except for soybeans.

“Soy boy” is the latest term to spread like wildfire through the alt-right/InfoWars/terrible internet dude scene. Like all of their terminology – from “cuck” to “virtual signaler” – it’s treated as a devastating insult by those who use it, and is heard by everyone else as meaningless horseshit. Just like Watson’s own personal catchphrase, “imagine my shock”. Wow, buddy…I’m starting to think you aren’t really shocked, or something.

Soy feminizes men, Watson says. “You’ve probably seen the Buzzfeed Try Guy video where they measure their testosterone”, he goes on, apparently not knowing what “probably” means. I don’t think I’ve ever googled “testosterone levels of the staff of a website I dislike”, but then again I haven’t shilled even one dubious brain pill.

Watson thankfully includes a two-minutes-hate of feminist men who made a Tweet he dislikes, who also once tweeted about eating soy. Frantically searching for signs your enemies ate a food is a perfectly normal activity. Who hasn’t done such a thing? As you’d expect, this montage ranges from political celebrities to just random nobodies who made a bad Tweet once. Also, he takes a chance to be xenophobic about refugees, because of course.

You’d also expect random cuts to things we’re just instinctively meant to understand as bad. For example, Watson cuts to a woman – unnamed, and never mentioned in the video – saying “I’m triggered”. You sure showed…uh, whoever that was. He also cuts to Jeb Bush. Hasn’t JEB! suffered enough?

The crux of Watson’s theory is that soy contains estrogen. Babies are being fed a soy milk formula, and thus there’s a grand theory about how there’s a plot to raise a generation of Soy Boys. A terrifying world where boys are, uh, feminine a bit, maybe? The implications are truly not that troubling, honestly.

Soy boy outrage ran through the alt-right like a wildfire. Perhaps its finest result was leading 4Chan users to drink onion juice to offset the “effects” of soy and regain their manliness. Stefan “once posed as a woman online to agree with himself” Molyneux compared the consumption of soy to the fall of Rome.

But by and large, “soy boy” has become just another insult thrown about by the alt-right, a sign of cutting wit to them and a sign of meaningless, braying jackassery to everyone else. There’ll be a new one a week from now, and it’ll be just as confounding. But at least we can take pleasure in the fact that this one hurt 4Chan literally.

And now, an Infowars-approved music video about how Barack Obama’s giving everyone ebola

Today Alex Jones’ Infowars promoted a music video for a song about ebola. Why? Infowars says:

“Thanks to Obama‚Äôs importation of Ebola into our country, it has now become his legacy…Like George Dubya and his two wars, Obama has launched a war of disease on the American people. With the open borders and lax customs, every disease from the third world will be allowed to enter. Thanks Obola!”

Here are some ways to describe this…thing:

  • Incoherent
  • Moronic
  • Embarrassing
  • Inexplicable
  • Fuck
  • Fuck no
  • Fuck why
  • What the fuck
  • Fuck this I’m out

Alex Jones went to the DMV, and What Happened Next Won’t Surprise You At All

A Clinton-era relic, In which Alex Jones thinks taking a fingerprint for identification is literally an attempt to steal people’s identities; screams at DMV employees about having to take the “mark”; compares thumb scans to rape; and confuses not having a driver’s license with being denied the right to travel.

Reminds me of the 80s anxiety over how grocery store scanners would steal your soul: