Sports

The Space Lizard Report Hits the Big Time

In September 2014, I posted about a theory that a Cubs-Brewers game revealed the secret Illuminati messages in baseball. A few days ago, as you may have heard from literally everywhere, the Chicago Cubs, a rich baseball team with a high payroll in the nation’s third largest market, finally shook their underdog persona and broke their curse, winning the World Series. And as you’d guess, traffic went up, because apparently when a team wins a sports championship a certain percentage of weirdos run to Google to see if they’re part of the Illuminati. And so a blog post full of now-outdated jokes about the Cubs’ futility is now my most popular.

As a Brewers fan, I’m incapable of experiencing joy whilst sober. But if I could, I would be gleeful about today’s blog traffic.

cubs1

“That’s quite a spike in your blog’s normally pathetic traffic,” you might be thinking, “but why boast about what are, again, pretty underwhelming numbers, and a dreadful views-per-visitor?”

It’s not the numbers that excite me. It’s the source.

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You may note that my blog post was shared on Reddit.

Specifically, r/conspiracy.

Unironically.

I rushed to r/conspiracy, excited to see how they took my work. Alas, the post was downvoted to Hell. But that’s still good for over 100 views, and being unpopular in r/conspiracy carries a certain appeal in and of itself.

rconspiracy

The comments are strangely reasonable, especially in their hatred of the St Louis Cardinals. My post, which says…

The Masons and the Illuminati have a dastardly plan and they chose to reveal it…via the Chicago Cubs and Milwaukee Brewers? What’s next, a message from the reptilians at a Jaguars-Titans game? Is this the Illuminati equivalent of dumping news you want buried on a Friday afternoon?

…and…

And the devastation of the world shall, as always, fool everyone except for some random person on the internet who believes they’re a genius and the only one to figure everything out.

…has now been cited as potential evidence of the Cubs’ Illuminati ties. I’m only sad by the post’s stunning lack of virality. May I one day be the subject of vast and terrible rage-comments, or get a hoax massively upvoted. One can always dream. What a world, what a world.

 

Top Minds: “No Major Sporting Event Has Been Attacked By Terrorists, Except All Those Ones That Were.”

It’s been a long time, friends. I haven’t made a new post on this blog since last Halloween. Truth be told, while I’ve occasionally dipped into the well of inane conspiracy theories, I’ve been too busy. But I know I missed a lot. So here’s a quick summary of my views regarding the events that have gone on in the world since last October:

*SCREAMS FOREVER*

Now that that’s done with, onto a little post I found while browsing r/conspiracy. For those unfamiliar with r/conspiracy, picture a flaming dumpster. Now, throw it into another flaming dumpster. And then throw that dumpster into a larger flaming dumpster covered with antisemitic graffiti. Congrats, you’ve just lived the r/conspiracy experience!

The top post all-time on r/conspiracy is a story about the police shooting a user’s dog by mistake. Tragic to be sure, but a bit hard to mesh with the fact that r/conspiracy does not care one bit about black people shot by police. r/conspiracy has displayed an amazing propensity for looking at major events that fit their world view perfectly and ignoring them completely to rave about false flag nonsense, racism or just plain bullshit.

And today’s bullshit deals with sports. Conspiracy theorists hate sports. Sports are a secular religion, an obsessive distraction that prevents people from noticing anything going in the world, even during the offseason or when they’re not watching their team’s two-to-three hour-long games, apparently. And sports’ utility as a distraction for the Sheeple is why, according to one Redditor, no major sporting event has ever been attacked by terrorists. Ever.

“People are more psycho about their favorite sports teams than even religion imo. And there is no stigma attached to fanatical sports allegiance. It’s totally accepted.”

Except if you like the Raiders.

“The Elite aka Illuminati, etc. don’t target major sporting events for attacks because they don’t want to disrupt this wonderful population control tool.

The world could be going to shit, but if you can still go batshit crazy over your team’s homerun or goal or touchdown, you’ll still be ok with your shitty life and massive injustices worldwide.”

Indeed, when the Packers score a touchdown, my reaction is always “man, good thing Aaron Rodgers scored that touchdown, now I can forget racism exists forever”. People enjoying themselves and celebrating something for a few hours? Clearly the most devious Illuminati plot of them all.

So you might be thinking, wait, attacks have occurred against major sporting events. The attacks at the Munich and Atlanta Olympics, the Boston marathon bombing, the Paris attack that happened just last year. Well, in a backtrack of epic proportions, our intrepid Redditor explains why none of those events count.

Edit: sorry the Boston marathon, centennial olympics aren’t major sporting events. MLB NBA NFL NHL, and i guess rugby, soccer, and cricket are major sports.

The Olympics, a month-long event featuring thousands of athletes from every country in the world competing in nearly thirty sports, is not a major sporting event. The Boston marathon, one of the world’s most prominent marathons, isn’t either. Only team sports count as major sporting events, and he guesses soccer, the most popular sport worldwide, a sport with high-profile leagues in a dozen countries, in addition to champion’s league and national team play, might count as a “major sport”.

Edit2: The bombing outside the soccer game in Paris only killed one person. One. And it was outside. And they finished playing the game. Hardly a major attack. What happened in the rest of Paris combined was obviously a major attack and a tragedy, but no major sports attacks.

…because a security guard stopped them. It only killed one person because a security guard stopped them from entering. They finished playing the game because they didn’t want to let thousands of spectators out into a ongoing terrorist attack.

If there’s a guy outside stabbing everyone who walks out the door, and you tell people to stay inside so they don’t get stabbed, but one guy goes out and gets stabbed, that doesn’t mean you weren’t under attack by a bizarrely single-minded and persistent knife-wielding criminal just because not enough people got stabbed. And why wouldn’t the police stop a guy who was just standing by a door with a knife? I’m SO ANGRY at the plot holes in my own metaphor, grrrr-

But somehow, that wasn’t an attack on a major sporting event. Because it wasn’t an attack, unlike the Olympics bombings, which weren’t at major sporting events.

EDIT 3: Of course all attacks are evil and horrible tragedies. And I am certainly not calling for any future attacks to occur. I would be devasted just as I’m devasted after any attack, Major or Minor.

It could be a Boy Scout Soap Box Derby with one broken bone and I’d still cry.

I was simply sharing my theory about why a major attack (like, over 20 ppl killed) hasnt happened inside a major sport (MLB, Nfl, nhl, nba, rugby soccer cricket).

Because apparently, 20 people killed is a “major attack”. 19 people, that’s nothing. Sad, but not a major attack. A mere bombing doesn’t count, and neither do over 100 people dying adjacent to sports. But one more person dies? That’s the new 9/11 right there. But only if it happens at certain sports, apparently. It’s almost like he’s defining things in such a way that they validate his own terrible theory!

So the Elite, or the Illuminati, keep us safe at MLB, NFL, NHL and NBA games, and even at those weird sports brown people like, because people watching sports for a few hours is somehow the ultimate distraction from the truth. Is entertainment a conspiracy? Is joy itself a tool the Man uses to keep you down? The “truth” may surprise you…with its breathtaking idiocy and incomprehensible, hole-filled nature.

One Youtuber Has Figured Out The Dark Secrets Of Sports (That’ve Been Revealed Dozens Of Times)

Conspiracy theorists believe that pop culture is a distraction. From what? From what they believe, of course! If only people focused more on your personal movement and not pop songs, then everyone would agree with you and a true revolution could rise!

This line of thinking is not limited to conspiracy theorists, but to political movements of all stripes. If only the people stopped listening to celebrities, and started listening to you, then we’d just be moments away from a widespread conservative/communist/libertarian revolution!

And foremost among distractions is SPORTS. And a video called “FIXED ENTERTAINMENT Sports is a religion used to keep the stupid sheep asleep” (oh, how I love the deranged stream-of-consciousness names of conspiracy videos!) lays out why.

The following video didn’t gain much traction on r/conspiracy, with just 66% upvoting it. And it lays out the case against sports:

“What’s going on, Youtube?”

You insulting Eagles fans by displaying that image the whole video. Haven’t they suffered enough? I mean, they live in Philadelphia.

“This video is about sports only…”

ZHIB RHAN, BRINGING YOU THE BEST SPORTS TALK ON YOUTUBE! GET READY FOR SOME HOT TAKES

“How disgusted I am with sports…”

I agree, I was pretty disgusted with sports late Sunday afternoon for some reason.

“I also want to talk about Robinson Canó, who just recently signed a very big contract with the Seattle Mariners…”

Zhib Rhan hates Robinson Canó. He stands for all that is wrong with sports, and he’s disgusted that people are fans of this guy (to be sure, I know nothing about him; maybe he is eminently hateable).

But what he really hates are sports fans. Those pathetic louts who just watch millionaires throw a ball around, dreaming of getting the autographs of people they don’t even know.

“You’ll sit in packed baseball stadiums to watch these millionaires who don’t give two shits about you.”

Why are you watching a movie!? Millionaires, paid to pretend to be people? PATHETIC.

Why are you reading Harry Potter!? IT’S NOT EVEN REAL. JK Rowling doesn’t care about you!

You’ll sit in a packed theater watching someone who doesn’t care about you sing? They’re not singing to you! That’s pathetic!

“…hope you can get a jersey that you paid two, three hundred dollars for signed. But yet I’M the crazy one, but some of the same people who do that are the ones who want to point the finger at me that I’m crazy. No, no, YOU’RE CRAZY.”

I’m not crazy. You’re crazy for engaging in an activity that is mainstream! This rant brought to you by 2003-era Livejournal entries and Hot Topic t-shirts.

Perhaps you’re called crazy because your other videos include: “Beware of Satans children masquerading as TI’s, reptilians/greys, phony goddesses all over youtube”, “Paul Walker murdered by the Illuminati fast and furiously”,  “Miley Cyrus is an illuminati controlled sex slave”,  “Winner takes Earth mind controlled morons in black with E.U. inverted triangle”, and “Fake snow that doesn’t melt? lets have a look at a simple experiment”.

“The biggest of the losers are…”

The Chicago Cubs? The Jacksonville Jaguars? English penalty takers?

“…the people who deal with sports talk radio and ESPN.”

Sadly, he isn’t calling out the eminently hateable ESPN. Just the fans who call in with their own dumb hot takes.

“Those MORONS, who only wish they knew how to play sports, who were never good enough, who are only good enough to blab on the radio like they know everything.”

Wait, he’s railing against people who weren’t good enough to play sports? Is this a jock criticizing sports as a DISTRACTION? Normally that seems to be the domain of those picked last in gym class.

“Sports is what keeps people dumbed down in this country, that’s not the only thing, but it’s one of the main tools to dumb you down and keep you asleep…you people are broke, you’re losing your homes, your money’s being devalued, and yet you support these millionaires.”

And there it goes.

Sports keep you from caring about anything else. The people just aren’t as brilliant as Zhib Rhan: they literally can’t pay attention to sports and anything else. They wouldn’t even notice that they were losing their own homes if it wasn’t for Zhib Rhan brilliantly pointing this out to the sheeple with his brilliant brilliance.

The most popular sports league in the United States takes up one day of the week. One day out of seven. Your team only plays sixteen regular season games and up to four playoff games. It takes up a few hours on Sunday and maybe one game a season on Monday or Thursday night to follow your team. Even if you watch every game of a team’s 82-game NHL or NBA season, that’s two or three hours at night – no different from watching TV, or going to a movie, or going out for dinner or any number of entertainment options you have at 8/7 PM.

Do some people care about sports too much? Yes. Does it take up too much of their lives? For a minority, yes. But for the majority of people, sports are not a distraction from caring about other things. It’s just one more thing they care about.

Of all kinds of millionaires, athletes and celebrities are the most harmless. They’re not nearly as rich as businesspeople, and when a movie fails it doesn’t risk collapsing the economy or causing you to lose your house. Many do admirable charity work. In fact, American athletes’ salaries are artificially deflated by salary cap rules. It’s not like they’re racist slum lords or something variously terrible; that’s their employers, whose high paychecks are obviously on the level.

“That’s why you support deadbeats like Robinson Canó, and there’s plenty of other ones…”

Plenty of other ones! He won’t tell you their names, but be aware that they’re out there. But he will tell you that all athletes fuck prostitutes throughout the season.

Zhib Rhan doesn’t watch sports anymore. He used to play them, but he doesn’t waste his time on millionaires who don’t care about him.

“Games kids play in the street for free…these are kids games!”

Every time one of these people goes on a rant about sports, statements like this are dropped like they’re incredible truth bombs, enlightening sports fans to things they never considered before.

Zhib Rhan also believes that sports are fixed. He made a more in-depth video on this theory, but it’s ten fucking minutes long so I will never get to hear it.

“Sports has to be fixed, for these guys to make the kind of money they make…you have to pay people this kind of money to shut them up.”

What?

ALL SPORTS ARE FIXED, according to him. One wonders why the NBA fixed it so that the Knicks, one of their most high-profile teams, would go over three decades without a championship whilst awarding multiple championships on the relatively unpopular San Antonio Spurs and Detroit Pistons. Or why the NHL would ensure that hockey-mad Canada goes 20 years without a championship.

“That’s why when children play you don’t have a umpire or referee, but when there’s big money involved there’s referees and umpires.”

Is this a Sacramento fan still angry about the 2002 Western Conference Finals? Referees only exist to fake games…but I thought the players were in on it and needed to be shut up? Now it’s just the referees and umpires fixing it?

And God, imagine being picked to play referee as a child.

“It’s a billion dollar business…”

Sports? Are business? They make? Money? Thank you for enlightening my simple brain with this devastating secret.

“For most people in America, sports is their religion!”

Sports isn’t a belief system of any kind, nor is it a way of seeing or making sense of the world. But people obsess over it so it’s a religion, goddamnit!

“You people are insane. Supporting these millionaires that don’t give a damn about you…”

But enough about the Republican Party!

Let’s look at the Reddit comments.

fslaves

Don’t let yourself sit idly while others manipulate your emotions! Don’t watch movies, or TV shows, or listen to music, or play video games! Don’t ever engage in any form of popular culture to keep your emotions PURE from MANIPULATION.

There’s a lot more to it than grown men scowling at foolish boy games – there’s the whole history of amateurism vs professionalism that led to the Olympics amateurism and the split between rugby codes, which was marked by class. But it certainty wasn’t a plot by “the powers that be”.

chicago

4to6 is the new account of 4to4, one of the Reddit’s more prominent white supremacists.

And the poster talks about the Bartman incident, which ruined the World Series…

…he did not catch the ball during the World Series. The Cubs have not been in the World Series in half a century. How can you know this? Because they’re the Cubs.

Again, we learn that caring a lot about something means it’s a religion to you.

GreenBay

“Don’t say your team! It’s not your team! You are BRAINWASHED.”

“Actually I like a team that’s owned by its fans, so it is my team.”

“You’re pretending! You learned that here, fan of the team you just described!”

entertainment

Finally: all of culture is a CIA plot. Because of course it is to these TOP MINDS.

Previously: The sinister truth behind the Vancouver Canucks; the Illuminati/Freemason ties of the Brewers and Cubs.

One Year Ago, the Chicago fuckin’ Cubs Pulled Some Illuminati Shit, or Something?

Yesterday the Milwaukee Brewers played the Chicago Cubs and lost, blowing their long-held lead in their division in the last stretch because of course they did.

But a Godlike Productions poster is here to remind us that one year ago, something altogether more sinister happened in Milwaukee.

On June 26, 2013, the Chicago Cubs vs Milwaukee Brewers game was on live on Chicago’s WGN network.
The guy in this YT video below was the first to catch the moment thru his DVR.

The date was a significant one: it was the 194th birthday of Abner Doubleday, the proclaimed Father of Baseball who invented the game. What was really interesting too was the location: the Miller Park Stadium in Milwaukee is right off Interstate 94 or I-94 (194)blink!

During a baseball game, a page of symbols appeared. Satanic symbols like pentagrams, all-seeing eyes…plus the Hammer & Sickle and fleur-de-lis.

The poster goes on to say:

Interesting clip from a 1999 episode of The Simpsons…

A clip from The Simpsons! That…proves…???

The baseball itself has a DOUBLE INFINITY design, also as the number 88, which has been showing up lately since this year’s Super Bowl.

Oh my god, the seams on this ball are ILLUMINATI SYMBOLISM!

No way this image is serious. But even it isn’t, I don’t doubt that the poster believes it sincerely.

Good read here…

The Masonic Ritual of Baseball

– The Square and the Compass
– The Checkerboard
– Numerology
The numerology aspect of baseball is something to look at closely because it relates directly to the sacred numbers. You will notice that almost all numbers related to baseball are multiples or divisors of 9.

3 strikes
3 outs
9 fielding positions
9 innings
27 outs per game
81 homes games
81 games on the road

Here’s what those studied in the occult have to say about the occult kabbalistic ritual of Baseball:

The Masons and the Illuminati have a dastardly plan and they chose to reveal it…via the Chicago Cubs and Milwaukee Brewers? What’s next, a message from the reptilians at a Jaguars-Titans game? Is this the Illuminati equivalent of dumping news you want buried on a Friday afternoon?

Why do these conspiracy theories always revolve around shitty teams, anyway? The Cubs haven’t won the World Series in 106 years, but obviously they’re part of a conspiracy that secretly controls the world! And the Vancouver Canucks rule Canada.

THE SACRIFICE FLY

The BATTER at home plate is actually the BAITER, and like BAIT, as the BATTER hits the Ball, the masses get hooked in the excitement and just like MAGIC… lend their intense focus and energy to this kabbalistic ritual. There is no way that the coming world devastation could ever come to fulfillment without the use of mass media and the luciferian kabbalistic rituals we call sports, religious gatherings, political rallies and elections, and just general entertainment. All this had to be put in place first, or none of the killing and natural disasters could ever be accomplished on a worldwide scale, and still be undetected as to who is responsible for them. This is symbolized in the Caduceus of Hermes, or the Caduceus of Mercury medical symbol, where we see two snakes intertwining around a pole with wings that represent the spirit of god. It is this SION serpent, which again is the ZION serpent that is the Serpent of duality that is the driving force behind all sporting events and the Olympic games.

To this type of person, everything must have secret occult meaning. Baseball’s not a game, it’s an arcane ritual meant to brainwash us! And what better vehicle for brainwashing than a game that’s notoriously declining in popularity?

And the devastation of the world shall, as always, fool everyone except for some random person on the internet who believes they’re a genius and the only one to figure everything out.

The game on the diamond was played out so that the accuser(pitcher) could not rule over man, but the law would. The accuser stands upon the mound 66 gilgul, or the place of the skulls. This is also the same spot as the masonic “G” in the square and compass design. So the accuser stands in the place of God or “Grand Architect” as the masons call it. The accuser’s dominion is the cycles of birth and rebirth, or if you are counting, 60 feet 6 inches. The accuser stands upon the mound to split the accused(batter) in two. He is trying to rule over the batter by accusing the batter. The accusation splits the batter in two.

What?

To understand this better, Jesus stands before Pilate, and Pilate gives the crowd a choice, Jesus, King of the jews, or Joshua Bar Abbas, Jesus son of the father. It’s the same person, there is no other person there. What Pilate did is make the crowd choose, thereby giving himself authority over the death of Jesus. The fact is Pilate split the name in two to create that duality to use the power of death against Jesus. He accused him and split him in two.

What??

Back to baseball. The accuser is there to split the batter in two. The baseball represents the pod, or the Power Of Death. The BAT represents the whole of the law. And by the law the accuser is thwarted, so that he can not use the power of death, against the batter. The batter is like Job, he takes a side, but that leaves the other side unprotected. This is why the batter must be successful at least one third of the time, hence three strikes and you are out. When the batter takes a side, he is unprotected and the accuser will surely broadside him, this is why the bat protects the other side. With the breakdown of the law, the accuser finds his weakness and exploits it to make him fear the limit of death, and make him believe he has power over his life. To get away from the accusing finger of the pitcher, and the judgement of his side, the batter must hit the ball (pod) or power of death, where the accuser is not. Now the Ball represents the power of death. Death only get’s it’s power from your belief in it.

What?!?!

Maya Angelou will not attend the 2014 MLB Beacon Awards Luncheon, where she will be honored.

Major League Baseball cited “health reasons” Friday in saying the 86-year-old won’t make it to the May 30 event in Houston before the annual Civil Rights Game.

Angelou canceled an event last month in Fayetteville, Arkansas, because she was recovering from an “unexpected ailment” that sent her to the hospital.

The caged bird who helped free the minds of racist America: Poet Maya Angelou is found dead aged 86 after final prophetic tweet

Maya Angelou, the groundbreaking poet and author who inspired millions of Americans with her moving memoirs and works of fiction, is dead at 86.

A caretaker found Angelou dead at her home in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, on Wednesday morning when she arrived to check on the ailing poet.

My god, it’s so clear now! A dying Maya Angelou didn’t skip out on an event due to her health. Major League Baseball had her murdered because…?

Further replies continue to grasp for straws. The trailer for the now-forgotten movie Million Dollar Arm is cited as…nothing; no context is given.

Those wondering if all of baseball is in bed with the Illuminati or not should note that the author freaks out about the Brewers and Cubs playing the day she posted this.

brewers

So it’s specifically the Cubs and Brewers that are in with the nebulous conspiracy. Is this a local midwestern conspiracy, or just a poorly planned one?

Imagine the discussion. “Alright, gang. I’ve decided what sports teams to invite into our world-spanning conspiracy. First we capture the Chicago Cubs, Toronto Maple Leafs, Milwaukee Bucks, and Cleveland Browns! Then we’ll go across the pond and recruit Sunderland, Newcastle and the entire English national team! We’ll be ruling the world in no time with this brilliant scheme!”

In 1987, in Chicago, an unknown person hijacked PBS’ feed during an episode of Doctor Who.

What was the meaning behind it? Nothing. There was no conspiracy burying messages in episodes of Doctor Who, and there’s no conspiracy hiding their symbols in a Cubs-Brewers game. What we’re looking at here is likely just some employee of WGN pulling a prank. But internet types who look for meaning in everything saw meaning in it, as they are wont to do.

Above: The finale of the Illuminati’s secret plan.

The Sinister Truth Behind The…Vancouver Canucks!?

200px-Vancouver_Canucks_logo.svgThe Vancouver Canucks are not a great hockey team. They’ve yet to win the Stanley Cup despite three finals appearances. Yet according to one since-deleted entry on Craigslist, they’re up to something altogether more sinister.

What’s happened is the following.

In the late eighties or early nineties, members of the Vancouver Canucks have masqueraded themselves as federal officials and have appealed to both the Canada Post of British Columbia, and to a number of municipal banks, and have advised them that they have been a part of a federal mail censorship program. The program was rerouting mail through the banks for their own perusal, as they had many targetted pieces which they were not allowing to be sent on. They would appear at banks all over the province, still to this day, rifle through what had been routed through them, take things, and then allow whatever was left over to be passed on. This could include love letters, letters from realized long lost relatives, scholarships, university acceptance letters, federal official communications, prize winnings, job offers, summer camp invites, etc. They, and only they know where all of this mail has gone.

So members of the Vancouver Canucks are stealing mail from banks across British Columbia and no one’s noticed this but this one Craigslist poster. No one notices the weekly visits from hockey players, who are of course unrecognizable and obscure in hockey-ambivalent Canada, posing as federal officials to take mail because…? (more…)

Pop Cultural Conspiracy Theory Hour: Is the NBA Draft Rigged?

200px-Milwaukee_Bucks.svg

75% chance this team doesn’t get Wiggins.

Tonight is the NBA draft lottery. Instead of the simple “worst team goes first” model used by the NFL, there’s an element of chance to the NBA draft as the worst team only has a 25% chance of going first.

The claim first arose in the 80s, when the New York Knicks won the first pick. The envelope containing their logo, however, could be identified through its bent corner – leading to speculation that NBA Commissioner David Stern knew that envelope contained the Knicks logo and intentionally chose the large-market team.

Later the NBA switched to a different lottery system and refuse to show the draw. Further conspiracies surround the Cleveland Cavaliers being selected first, choosing Akron-born LeBron James, and the long-shot Chicago Bulls selecting native Derrick Rose first in 2008. And the then League-owned New Orleans Hornets (now Pelicans) were picked first in 2012. And that’s why the Bulls, Cavaliers and Pelicans are just swimming in championships today! Is the NBA draft rigged? Why won’t they allow cameras in?

They do, actually, and if they’re rigging it they’re doing a bad job. A video the NBA posted of the draft lottery shows the process: 14 balls are placed into a tumbler and four of them drawn. These four form a four or five digit number. Each team not in the playoffs is given many number combinations: 250 for the worst team, 5 for the least worst. They then pick for two more teams before allowing the rest of the draft to proceed in inverse order of record.

Why do the worst teams rarely win? A 25% chance of winning means a 75% chance of losing. It’s far more likely for a team to lose the draft with those odds than win first pick.

As the video shows, they can even pick the same team’s numbers multiple times and have to do it over again. How could you even rig such a random process, where the selection isn’t even done by people but automatically?

The NBA does show off the process on their website.

Why not show it in the open? What’s more dramatic – Adam Silver opening an unknown envelope and announcing the winner on stage, or a bunch of people slowly picking table tennis balls out of a tube and announcing numbers? Sometimes having to redo draws until they get a new team?

But let’s be honest. It’s not that the draft is rigged to fit certain narratives. People construct narratives to fit their idea that the draft is rigged. In a satirical article, Dan Feldman points out that you can build a narrative that “proves” it’s rigged in favor of any team.

No, the NBA draft lottery is not rigged. The only proof in the modern form of the lottery is people trying to invent reasons for the draft to be rigged for the winner – and you can do it with any team, if you want to.