Potential Poe’s Law

The Secret Link Between Netanyahu and Ron Paul, Revealed by a Terribly Written, Outrageously Stupid Crank Site

Before the internet, cranks thrived on the margin of society, in mailing lists and zines, conventions and VHS tapes spread around by cults. Their exposure to the mainstream came largely in the form of green ink: deranged letters to newspapers, named for their tendency to be written in vibrant green ink – the written equivalent of Papyrus font.

The internet didn’t kill green ink. Instead, it turned into a rainbow of bizarre news sites, memes and e-mail forwards. You no longer needed to send that list of President Clinton’s victims to a skeptical editor; now, you could cut out the middleman entirely. The fringe prospered as sites with names like “Libertyblitzkrieg” and “AboveTopSecret” hawked conspiracies right to their believers.

One such site is Whatsupic. Honestly, I first thought it was a satire site, but there’s no disclaimer in sight. It’s a conspiracy site whose main preoccupation is Israel. Israel’s bringing us to the brink of WWIII, Israel did 9/11, Israel rules the US, Israel rigged the last two Presidential elections to ensure that Ron Paul didn’t win. Wait, what? (more…)

“9/11, 9/11, What Went Down With Building 7?”: The Hot New 9/11 Truther Single by Martin Noakes

Incoherent blog posts and rambling, 20-minute Youtube videos are the norm for conspiracy theorists. But when they get musical, magic happens.

Noted 9/11 Truther Martin Noakes (who appears to be legit) dropped this video in 2011 and it’s racked up 86,452 views and 368 downvotes. A viral hit!

A catchy ballad with Papyrus subtitles and state-of-the-art production values, “9/11 Building 7” is conspiracy-theorist pop’s greatest achievement since The Beach Boys’ “I Get Around (Dealey Plaza With My Secret Cabal of Cuban Assassins)”.

I enjoy the random names flashed up behind him. AGENDA 21, Anders Behring Breivik, a quote from Joseph Goebbels (Nazi). How it implores you to research the Georgia Guidestones and NIKOLA TESLA (!?). And how the end credits thank David Icke.

And there’s a whole genre of truther music, apparently.

Previous adventures into Musical Conspiratism: “My Ebola” and Dave J’s hater anthem.

Found via r/Conspiratard

Man Who Thinks WWII Never Happened Strikes Back At Haters With a Song

Dave J is back! He who does not believe WWII happened, who somehow has grown less comprehensible over time. And now, he’s striking back at haters – with music!

Adopting the persona of Pedro, who’s going to sing a song to the hater contingent, because they “have no creativity whatsoever” and he needs to do it for them. An unexplained second voice accompanies Dave J and “Pedro”. A song for all those weird, wacky ideas that sounds like beat poetry, were the sound good enough to discern anything. Something something moon. The title is “Dave j is so stupid we have to Get pretty HIGH Hoax song” and I don’t doubt he was very, very high when making this. And maybe a bit homophobic.

“You evil men just go look at the light in the sky you call the moon/for me, every day, rockets blast off/And NASA can’t tell me no wrong…”

Watch it below:

The Assassination of Coherence By The Weirdo David J

Youtube conspiracy theorists are truly wonderful. Their videos where they point at blurry photographs and ramble incoherently for forty minutes are the apex of the deranged conspiracy theorist form. I’ve seen people who believe that planes aren’t real, and that poorly lit bald men were reptilian aliens, but maybe my favorite is a man who believed World War II was a hoax.

The video’s a masterpiece of the form and I’m…happy? To say that its creator is back and he’s delving into current events.

After shootings, the Alex Jones demographics love to yell about how it’s a false flag. They ask us to consider a dark truth: that nothing bad happens. And in return the world asks them to consider fucking themselves.

Dave J’s motto is “no one died and no one got hurt”. He fervently believes that no one’s ever killed; all shootings, all bombings, all wars are fake. It doesn’t sound too bad, actually, but Dave J wants to expose this terrible secret for the world to see.

Note: I don’t know if Dave J is real or not. If he’s a troll, he’s persistent. But he certainly has fans who believe this shit, if you read the comments (don’t read the comments!)

Dave J opens his video by promising two – no, three ways to prove a story’s a hoax. Any story.

1. That you click on it.

You know a story is a hoax if you click on it. So newspapers or TV networks aren’t hoaxes, but all websites are.

Clicking on a news story proves that you didn’t listen to Dave J and want to be lied to. Shame on you!

Wait…I clicked on this video. Is it a hoax?????

2.The gunman who opened fire (??????????????)

The gunman opened fire on Friday. Fry-day. FIRE.

The article says he shot five people, and himself, but another article says six people were shot. Hmm…mystery…

Six into five, that’s your eleven. Just because you’re holding a ball, and looking at the front, doesn’t mean the back…andddddd you lost me.

“Does existence revolve around you? Are you God? No, no, in fact you aren’t. So maybe, stop dabbling in these dark arts…”

Normally I can figure out some point, no matter how weird someone is, but I’m at a loss here. What the hell? It’s a bizarre self-absorbed rant mixed with some nonsensical numerology.

3. “That this fat-faced demon opened his mouth”

A cop talks.

And then it ends, leaving me even more confused than before.

Seriously, that’s it. That’s where Dave J cuts us off, right when things are getting good. Is he a literal demon? Are fat demons worse somehow? How dare you leave us hanging, Dave J! The public demands answers! It’s Lost all over again!

Dave J’s other videos include:

  • “Richard Dreyfuss was James VI is Edward VI is Lady Jane is Mary 1 and Scots”, “Lockland Murdock” is “Jimmy fallon”
  • “LIVE” Stop watching TV. Now Please Period”
  • “”dana carvey” demon same as “George Custer” (lil’big horn fame) one. Bound and tied”,
  • “How i trim Bud (cannabis indica), (miss)nice guy Example. 7(mind) into 8(trim) Trimsformation”
  • “Kate MiddleTONman is a Man Update”
  • “Hitler was a Women, and 1936 Olympics were a Hoax, (Eye)Ein-stein”

Dave J’s most popular videos are about how THE MOON IS A HOLOGRAM. Dave J does not believe in the Moon, World War II, celebrities not secretly being someone else or the Marysville shooting. But he does believe in marijuana and transphobia, so…there’s…that?

Does Dave J believe any of this? Dave J, the only source in the world for reliable news on the Moon’s existence and who is or isn’t a woman, won’t say, and so the secrets of the universe remain secrets.

Endorsements

fans

 

I don’t even need to look for weird shit anymore; it comes to me.

I have no idea if this blog is serious, but it did attack Miley Cyrus and then link to random blogs on every line of a song. I’m the “From Disney she was sold”, and the link is to the poorly-lit bald guy REPTILIAN post from earlier. Every other link seems to be to a real conspiracy blog. My guess: Googling “conspiracy theory” without actually checking what appeared.

This blog’s most used tags include “erotica” and seems to mostly be fiction and whatever the fuck this is. I’m just…what is this, and what does it have to do with me?

“That’s a Mannequin”: In Which I Reach My Breaking Point

One uncomfortable aspect to running a blog like this is the question: am I mocking the mentally ill? Well, are conspiracy theorists mentally ill?

I don’t think so. Not generally. You don’t have to be insane to believe wrong things. (more…)