Reddit

Reddit Goes Dark. Again.

Reddit is a techno-libertarian paradise, a lawless domain where you can find communities full of like-minded people, no matter what your interests are. Do you like paranoid fantasies and vaguely cloaked racism? r/conspiracy is for you! Are you a grown adult who enjoys harassing teenagers? Have fun on r/tumblrinaction! Do you hate women? r/theredpill, r/kotakuinaction…the options are limitless! Do you like cool pictures? Then you could go on the innocuous subreddits that make up the vast majority of the site. Huh, you always forget that part.

Reddit’s been consumed with strife lately. The site’s new CEO enforced a harassment policy (just like Hitler!) and banned several subreddits, including r/FatPeopleHate. Redditors howled in the face of such oppression, even if it’s a bit odd that these PC, liberal, SJW admins didn’t ban r/CoonTown, r/N******, or any number of explicit hate Subreddits on their anti-free speech crusade.

Now Reddit has gone dark. Many subreddits are currently private to protest the site’s admins. But not over this. Actually, they kinda have a point.

The protests were sparked by the sudden firing of one of the site’s most beloved staff members, the AMA coordinator, who organized celebrity question-and-answer sessions. And no one knows why she was fired. Rumors say that she declined to move to San Francisco, refused to make AMAs more commercial, or was let go after a disastrous AMA with Jesse Jackson. No one actually knows, and the firing is more the casus belli used to justify a larger campaign against the site’s lack of transparency and poor treatment of the site’s many volunteer moderators.

However, after everything that’s happened, people are going to leap to conclusions and think that Reddit’s whining about a racist hate sub being banned, because that’s just what you think when you hear “Reddit” now.

Sadly, r/conspiracy is not private. Let’s all encourage its mods to join the protest, then never tell them when it ends. They’ll feel like triumphant activists, fighting the good fight, on a long Bataan death march to social networking transparency, and we’ll never have to see them again. A victory for all involved!

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Happy End of the World!

A mysterious Redditor going by the alias “20141220” claims that tonight, at 10:50 PM EST, a massive solar event will result in the world losing all power for several years. The end of the world will come at 11/10 Central, or likely won’t, since this is just some random, sub-NoSleep Reddit hoax. Or IS IT? (It is not).

Terrible People Recruit on Terrible Website

The Daily Stormer is a white supremacist news site. Recruiting new white supremacists in 2015 is thankfully difficult, so they have to look for new veins to tap.

“Although Reddit has a reputation for being a far-left SJW hugbox,”

[CITATION NEEDED]

“…certain areas of Reddit are much more open to our ideas than you might think.”

While the Stormfront crowd know about the traditional hatred subreddits, where people bond over “white rights” and literal Naziism, they’ve found some new, fertile grounds for spreading white supremacy. This new demographic they’re pursuing might surprise you, unless you’ve ever read this blog.

“First and foremost, the #1 place on Reddit to recruit people to our side is /r/conspiracy. Yes, I know what you’re thinking. Why bother trying to enlighten a bunch of Alex Jones-reading kosher retards who think that the “Illuminati lizard people” run the world?”

No one in r/conspiracy thinks the Illuminati lizard people run the world! I wish they talked about reptilians. That’d be easier to mock, and not so INCREDIBLY DEPRESSING as their actual content. The top 100 posts all-time on r/conspiracy contain no references to reptilians, and one mocking reference to the Illuminati. What it does have is a lot of shit about false flags, allusions to 1984 by people who’ve never read it, quotes by noted political thinkers Banksy and Russell Brand, and antisemitism.

“Well, I’ll tell you why: conspiracy-minded people are the most open to considering the reality, which is that international Jewry, in fact, runs our societies. /r/conspiracy frequently hosts Jew-wise material and, at one point, they even held a Q&A session with Dennis Wise, the director of the excellent Jew-wise documentary Adolf Hitler: The Greatest Story Never Told.”

They featured that documentary. And a giant image of Hitler in the sidebar. During Rosh Hashana. Seriously.

“On any given day, you’ll find /r/conspiracy users posting about Jews, the Holohoax, Zionist control of the West, and more.”

Right now the front page of r/conspiracy contains a post about how the mods are ignoring a “massive Jew shill campaign” in r/worldnews, even. There’s a whole subreddit documenting r/conspiracy’s racism. This isn’t a shocking secret.

” /r/conspiracy is an excellent place to bring mainstream conspiracy-minded, Alex Jones-type people over to our side. All you have to do is post content exposing Jewry for exactly what it is. When you see articles about Jewish conspiracies – we post them here on the Daily Stormer quite frequently – just go on over to /r/conspiracy and post the articles there. “

I’m sure r/conspiracy will freak out over this outside party admitting to brigading r/conspiracy. It’s a literal conspiracy to infiltrate r/conspiracy to advance an agenda and…it sits right now at +36. Meanwhile, a post decrying a “massive Jew shill campaign in r/worldnews” is at +193.

“Other fertile grounds for recruitment on Reddit are the European-dominated subreddits – in particular, /r/worldnews, /r/worldpolitics, and /r/europe. Continental Europeans tend to be much more racist and anti-Jew than Americans are. There’s a reason why Jews are constantly complaining about “anti-Semitism in Europe,” but rarely about “anti-Semitism in America.”
Nationalism is currently surging all over Europe, with parties like Front National, Jobbik, and Golden Dawn leading the polls.”
The Greek elections were won by a leftist party, and Golden Dawn only holds 17 seats in Parliament out of 300, but never mind the facts!
“All Europeans hate gypsies, and most of them hate Moslems too.”

Twelve EU countries with significant Roma population have joined together to enhance the lives of Roma, a group of people they universally hate, obviously. Racism against Roma is certainly widespread and even a majority opinion in some countries, but “all Europeans”? No way.

“Go on European-dominated subreddits and drop subtle redpills.”

…are they trying to neg Europe into fucking them?

“Don’t use “gas the kikes, race war now”-type rhetoric, obviously. If you must, say “Zionists” rather than “Jews.””

As I’ve shown previously, TOP MINDS often swap out “Jew” for “Zionist” in titles when posting on r/conspiracy in order to disguise their Antisemitism (gee, I wonder if Antiochus88 – whose name might as well be “AntisemiteNaziHitler” – is a Stormfront user!). Glad to find out where it came from.

“Use their hatred of Israel and turn it into hatred of Jewry. Be subtle, be smart, and be persuasive.”

“Be smart”, says the white supremacist.

“We brought 4chan over to our side long ago.”

All legitimate social movements proudly trumpet their wide support on 4Chan.

“Now, we need to focus on redpilling Reddit – then, soon enough, every other major website.”

Yeah, about your grand scheme to introduce racism to the unspoiled liberal paradise of Reddit…

“Once we succeed at making our ideas mainstream on the Internet – thus winning over the hearts and minds of the youth – it’s game over for international Jewry.  In the future – when you are living in a Judenfrei world – you can tell your grandchildren how you fought the battle against Jewry on the Internet, waking people up to the Jewish parasite using only your fingertips and your endless amount of information.”

“Yes, children. I was there on that horrible battlefield, typing words. Oh, I received many downvotes that day, but I kept fighting. I kept fighting, kids, and when I looked back at all the racial slurs I threw at people who disagreed with me, I knew…I knew our sacrifices were worth the cost…”

Stormfront is invading Reddit, and…it’s really not going to make it any different at all.

r/Conspiracy Tries to Figure Out What Color That Blue and Gold Dress Is

Wait, no, they just think it’s a DISTRACTION. From…net neutrality?

Yes, r/conspiracy now thinks there’s a sinister secret buried in the 300 page documents on net neutrality. Because if only they were public, they’d totally read a 300 page long bill by a regulatory agency!

Bob. Bob. Relax a little, Bob. Enjoy life. Go to see a movie sometime, without debating if MK Ultra brainwashed the stars. Bob, ya gotta take it easy sometime and stop seeing sinister plots in everything. Go to the beach, Bob.  Go on a nice vacation. Have some fun with an internet joke and let the paranoia slide for a night. Listen to the new Taylor Swift – yeah, I know, Bob, but she’s reinvented herself, she’s – no, Bob, it wasn’t a government plot to – Bob!

 

One Youtuber Has Figured Out The Dark Secrets Of Sports (That’ve Been Revealed Dozens Of Times)

Conspiracy theorists believe that pop culture is a distraction. From what? From what they believe, of course! If only people focused more on your personal movement and not pop songs, then everyone would agree with you and a true revolution could rise!

This line of thinking is not limited to conspiracy theorists, but to political movements of all stripes. If only the people stopped listening to celebrities, and started listening to you, then we’d just be moments away from a widespread conservative/communist/libertarian revolution!

And foremost among distractions is SPORTS. And a video called “FIXED ENTERTAINMENT Sports is a religion used to keep the stupid sheep asleep” (oh, how I love the deranged stream-of-consciousness names of conspiracy videos!) lays out why.

The following video didn’t gain much traction on r/conspiracy, with just 66% upvoting it. And it lays out the case against sports:

“What’s going on, Youtube?”

You insulting Eagles fans by displaying that image the whole video. Haven’t they suffered enough? I mean, they live in Philadelphia.

“This video is about sports only…”

ZHIB RHAN, BRINGING YOU THE BEST SPORTS TALK ON YOUTUBE! GET READY FOR SOME HOT TAKES

“How disgusted I am with sports…”

I agree, I was pretty disgusted with sports late Sunday afternoon for some reason.

“I also want to talk about Robinson Canó, who just recently signed a very big contract with the Seattle Mariners…”

Zhib Rhan hates Robinson Canó. He stands for all that is wrong with sports, and he’s disgusted that people are fans of this guy (to be sure, I know nothing about him; maybe he is eminently hateable).

But what he really hates are sports fans. Those pathetic louts who just watch millionaires throw a ball around, dreaming of getting the autographs of people they don’t even know.

“You’ll sit in packed baseball stadiums to watch these millionaires who don’t give two shits about you.”

Why are you watching a movie!? Millionaires, paid to pretend to be people? PATHETIC.

Why are you reading Harry Potter!? IT’S NOT EVEN REAL. JK Rowling doesn’t care about you!

You’ll sit in a packed theater watching someone who doesn’t care about you sing? They’re not singing to you! That’s pathetic!

“…hope you can get a jersey that you paid two, three hundred dollars for signed. But yet I’M the crazy one, but some of the same people who do that are the ones who want to point the finger at me that I’m crazy. No, no, YOU’RE CRAZY.”

I’m not crazy. You’re crazy for engaging in an activity that is mainstream! This rant brought to you by 2003-era Livejournal entries and Hot Topic t-shirts.

Perhaps you’re called crazy because your other videos include: “Beware of Satans children masquerading as TI’s, reptilians/greys, phony goddesses all over youtube”, “Paul Walker murdered by the Illuminati fast and furiously”,  “Miley Cyrus is an illuminati controlled sex slave”,  “Winner takes Earth mind controlled morons in black with E.U. inverted triangle”, and “Fake snow that doesn’t melt? lets have a look at a simple experiment”.

“The biggest of the losers are…”

The Chicago Cubs? The Jacksonville Jaguars? English penalty takers?

“…the people who deal with sports talk radio and ESPN.”

Sadly, he isn’t calling out the eminently hateable ESPN. Just the fans who call in with their own dumb hot takes.

“Those MORONS, who only wish they knew how to play sports, who were never good enough, who are only good enough to blab on the radio like they know everything.”

Wait, he’s railing against people who weren’t good enough to play sports? Is this a jock criticizing sports as a DISTRACTION? Normally that seems to be the domain of those picked last in gym class.

“Sports is what keeps people dumbed down in this country, that’s not the only thing, but it’s one of the main tools to dumb you down and keep you asleep…you people are broke, you’re losing your homes, your money’s being devalued, and yet you support these millionaires.”

And there it goes.

Sports keep you from caring about anything else. The people just aren’t as brilliant as Zhib Rhan: they literally can’t pay attention to sports and anything else. They wouldn’t even notice that they were losing their own homes if it wasn’t for Zhib Rhan brilliantly pointing this out to the sheeple with his brilliant brilliance.

The most popular sports league in the United States takes up one day of the week. One day out of seven. Your team only plays sixteen regular season games and up to four playoff games. It takes up a few hours on Sunday and maybe one game a season on Monday or Thursday night to follow your team. Even if you watch every game of a team’s 82-game NHL or NBA season, that’s two or three hours at night – no different from watching TV, or going to a movie, or going out for dinner or any number of entertainment options you have at 8/7 PM.

Do some people care about sports too much? Yes. Does it take up too much of their lives? For a minority, yes. But for the majority of people, sports are not a distraction from caring about other things. It’s just one more thing they care about.

Of all kinds of millionaires, athletes and celebrities are the most harmless. They’re not nearly as rich as businesspeople, and when a movie fails it doesn’t risk collapsing the economy or causing you to lose your house. Many do admirable charity work. In fact, American athletes’ salaries are artificially deflated by salary cap rules. It’s not like they’re racist slum lords or something variously terrible; that’s their employers, whose high paychecks are obviously on the level.

“That’s why you support deadbeats like Robinson Canó, and there’s plenty of other ones…”

Plenty of other ones! He won’t tell you their names, but be aware that they’re out there. But he will tell you that all athletes fuck prostitutes throughout the season.

Zhib Rhan doesn’t watch sports anymore. He used to play them, but he doesn’t waste his time on millionaires who don’t care about him.

“Games kids play in the street for free…these are kids games!”

Every time one of these people goes on a rant about sports, statements like this are dropped like they’re incredible truth bombs, enlightening sports fans to things they never considered before.

Zhib Rhan also believes that sports are fixed. He made a more in-depth video on this theory, but it’s ten fucking minutes long so I will never get to hear it.

“Sports has to be fixed, for these guys to make the kind of money they make…you have to pay people this kind of money to shut them up.”

What?

ALL SPORTS ARE FIXED, according to him. One wonders why the NBA fixed it so that the Knicks, one of their most high-profile teams, would go over three decades without a championship whilst awarding multiple championships on the relatively unpopular San Antonio Spurs and Detroit Pistons. Or why the NHL would ensure that hockey-mad Canada goes 20 years without a championship.

“That’s why when children play you don’t have a umpire or referee, but when there’s big money involved there’s referees and umpires.”

Is this a Sacramento fan still angry about the 2002 Western Conference Finals? Referees only exist to fake games…but I thought the players were in on it and needed to be shut up? Now it’s just the referees and umpires fixing it?

And God, imagine being picked to play referee as a child.

“It’s a billion dollar business…”

Sports? Are business? They make? Money? Thank you for enlightening my simple brain with this devastating secret.

“For most people in America, sports is their religion!”

Sports isn’t a belief system of any kind, nor is it a way of seeing or making sense of the world. But people obsess over it so it’s a religion, goddamnit!

“You people are insane. Supporting these millionaires that don’t give a damn about you…”

But enough about the Republican Party!

Let’s look at the Reddit comments.

fslaves

Don’t let yourself sit idly while others manipulate your emotions! Don’t watch movies, or TV shows, or listen to music, or play video games! Don’t ever engage in any form of popular culture to keep your emotions PURE from MANIPULATION.

There’s a lot more to it than grown men scowling at foolish boy games – there’s the whole history of amateurism vs professionalism that led to the Olympics amateurism and the split between rugby codes, which was marked by class. But it certainty wasn’t a plot by “the powers that be”.

chicago

4to6 is the new account of 4to4, one of the Reddit’s more prominent white supremacists.

And the poster talks about the Bartman incident, which ruined the World Series…

…he did not catch the ball during the World Series. The Cubs have not been in the World Series in half a century. How can you know this? Because they’re the Cubs.

Again, we learn that caring a lot about something means it’s a religion to you.

GreenBay

“Don’t say your team! It’s not your team! You are BRAINWASHED.”

“Actually I like a team that’s owned by its fans, so it is my team.”

“You’re pretending! You learned that here, fan of the team you just described!”

entertainment

Finally: all of culture is a CIA plot. Because of course it is to these TOP MINDS.

Previously: The sinister truth behind the Vancouver Canucks; the Illuminati/Freemason ties of the Brewers and Cubs.

Reddit Hates Jews

This blog has been quiet so far this year, but not for lack of material. Just CRUSHING DESPAIR.

The Charlie Hebdo attacks prompted the usual cries of “FALSE FLAG!” from the top minds of r/conspiracy. It also inspired the usual antisemitism.

The top voted post about the attacks this month was…this cartoon:

Antisemitism

 

How does this relate to the attack? Because Charlie Hebdo once fired a cartoonist for making an antisemitic joke, and r/conspiracy is obsessed with it: of the top 25 posts this month, three out of four posts dealing with the Charlie Hebdo attacks were about the cartoonist fired over antisemitism.

But maybe they’re just really concerned about freedom of speech. After all, the r/conspiracy crowd rarely says anything about Jews. They just think there’s a Zionist conspiracy, not a –

r/isrconspiracyracist‘s users have discovered that certain users, like the terribly named Antiochus88, will post antisemitic videos or links – but swap out “Jew” for “Zionist” in the post’s title. They are interchangeable to this crowd.

I am not cherrypicking any examples of r/conspiracy being terrible; I’m just looking at what their users upvoted in the last week.

There are entries about the attack being a false flag. Guess what nation they blame?

antisemitism2

The link goes to an International Business Times article – that’s been retracted for being erroneous.

The theory du jour: Israel ordered the attack in retribution for France potentially recognizing Palestine. One wonders why there were no strikes on Sweden, or Iceland, or the 133 other countries across the world that actually recognize Palestine.

The top 25 posts this week contain four posts about murdered or jailed Palestinian journalists and cartoonists; one post about Israelis plotting to blow up the Mexican parliament in 2001 (more on that later); two posts on a French comedian banned from performing due to his antisemitic act; and three more posts about various instances of Israeli censorship.

To be fair, some of these are valid concerns. The murder or arrest of journalists is abhorrent anywhere. Accepting any kind of racism is hypocritical. But if they were focused on the rights of journalists, they’d probably be talking about more than just abuses in Palestine. Many people have pointed out the anti-journalist actions of the world leaders who attended the Paris march. There is no reason to focus on Israel – they had nothing to do with the attacks, and their leaders were just one of many to attend the Paris march. There is a reason they’re so focused on these incidents specifically.

The Mexico story, it turns out, does not involve two Israelis plotting to blow up Mexico’s Parliament. It involves one Israeli and one Mexican Jew – since, again, these words are interchangeable to this crowd and attacking “Israelis” makes them seem not quite so antisemitic. This story never caught on with the mainstream media, another sign of their bias against stories that aren’t true. But one user explains why the media ignored it:

MSM

Ah yes, the ol’ “Jews own the media” canard. With just a dash of “Jews did 9/11!”. What’s next, blood libel? Wait, they’ve already done that?

Though I sadly didn’t screencap it, for a time every other link on r/conspiracy’s main page was about Israel, Jews or “Zionists” – in response to an event that did not involve Israel, and where Jewish people were inarguably victims (the kosher market attack, far as I can tell, went unmentioned). And among them was this entry:

antisemitism3

They’re not saying Jews did 9/11, they’re just saying some Jews were adjacent to 9/11!

If you can discern anything from this blog post, I salute you. I just gave up when I saw that it descends into one gigantic block halfway through.

This is a subreddit that marked Rosh Hashanah by making a six-hour documentary about how Hitler was misunderstood their featured documentary. A photo of a Holocaust survivor turns into a opportunity for them to slam the “paid shills” of Israel. This blog’s first post was a moderator’s defense of David Duke. An entire subreddit exists solely to collect their racism.

r/conspiracy is a goddamn cesspool, home to edgy 17 year olds (I hope, but I sadly think a lot of these people are much older) whose knowledge of the world derives from South Park and obscure blogs. And they think they’re smarter than everyone else because of this. They’re proud of their ignorance. In their minds, they’re better than you because they draw their entire worldview from nonsense.

Hating Jews lets them be edgy and shocking, but it’s also what they believe: r/whiterights’ userbase overlaps with r/conspiracy, and the most visible members, at least until 3 months ago, included “Antiochus88” – named after a historical oppressor of Jews and a code for “Heil Hitler”, respectively.  r/conspiracy is big with the Stormfront crowd. And so r/conspiracy continues to lash out at “Zionists” and Israel and sometimes, when they don’t bother to disguise it, Jews. It’s impossible to tell who’s just parroting what they hear and who earnestly believes it, and it doesn’t matter.  Both followers and leaders march against Jews in Germany. Both followers and leaders vandalize synagogues. Both chant “Jew, France is not for you”.

Of course, that’s not to say that the users of r/conspiracy engage in such behavior. The only thing more powerful than their racism is their slacktivism.

Top Minds React to Ferguson

The r/conspiracy crowd has never much cared about the events in Ferguson. Even though they fear police brutality and control, and the images from the city are pulled straight from their Orwellian nightmares, they’ve just never been able to sympathize with the people of Ferguson for some reason.

Now that the result is in, how do they react? The Top Minds must be furious. They’ll look at police intimidating protesters and think, “Man, this is what we feared! If only the Sheeple listened!” Why, they’ve posted the infamous photo of heavily armed police standing under a SEASONS GREETINGS banner – an image that would be cut from a dystopian sci-fi film as too obvious – so let’s click and take in their anger. Oh, you know they’re going to drag out the 1984 comparisons here. They…

There is no conspiracy here…There was a returned opinion from a grand jury followed by security measures.

…will support the government’s judgment completely.

Oh my God, the city is burning down and looting and violence are rampant and there are POLICE there?! CONSPIRACY!!

I’ve seen no one expressing any sympathy with the people of Ferguson. Just a legion of conspiracy theorists – conspiracy theorists! – supporting the police and government. Elsewhere, they laugh over how a livestreamer “trying to make the residents of Ferguson look victimized for doing no wrong” had his phone stolen.

I can’t tell you how bizarre this. TOP MINDS are defined by not believing “the official story”. If the government announced tomorrow that JFK was killed by Cubans, they’d start saying it was obviously Oswald acting alone. And here they’re telling everyone to accept the government’s choice and support them completely. This is the least self-aware thing I’ve ever seen.

I think the elite won. Everyone will be talking ferguson over thanksgiving, not our wars, not our bankers, not our rampant spending, not our drug war, or homeless population. Just Ferguson and racial violence.

Some people believe Ferguson is a distraction, or an entirely invented event meant to “keep racism alive” (“I do business with Black people from all over & have no racism issues coming from their direction & they don’t get any from me either in this day & age”). There’s even a Wheel of Media Distraction:

w92AAAZ

When conspiracy theorists claim a news story is a “distraction”, they rarely say what it’s a distraction from. But this one does: all of news is a distraction from the War in Afghanistan, apparently, and no one actually cares about LGBT rights. It’s just a red herring no one’s against!

Are you fucking stupid? This place is out of control. Looting, burning of buildings, police, EMT and fire fighters being shot at. I swear you people can turn anything into a “conspiracy”.

I swear you people can turn anything into a “conspiracy”.

I swear you people can turn anything into a “conspiracy”.

I swear you people can turn anything into a “conspiracy”.

I swear you people can turn anything into a “conspiracy”.

I swear you people can turn anything into a “conspiracy”.

I take that back. This is the most self-aware thing I’ve ever seen.

Conspiracy theorists trying to rename themselves because everyone knows how terrible they are

These days, conspiracy theorists get a bit of a bad rap. I mean, they deserve to be looked down on, but not too long ago conspiracy theorists were thought of as harmless kooks rambling about aliens or the JFK assassination (which is kind of odd, given how the big conspiracy theory of the 90s was the Clinton murder list). We’ve gone from Art Bell to Alex Jones, and the popular perception of conspiracy theorists has changed from “might tell you about Area 51” to “will yell at grieving family members because they believe shootings aren’t real”. Also, the anti-Semitism.

But one brave soul on Reddit has a solution: rebrand conspiracy theorists!

“Just saw this suggestion, Since the term “conspiracy theorist” is getting tarnished by the media…”

For good reasons!

“…a good alternative would be “Event Skeptics”. Thoughts?”

Oh god.

Hang around any conspiracy theorists for a while and you’ll learn how much they prize skepticism. And to be a free critical thinker, you must agree with them completely. And not only are conspiracy theorists the true skeptics for questioning the “official story”, anyone who isn’t one is just a sheeple who does as they are told! And now an attempt to rebrand people who think bombings never happened as “Event Skeptics”. God.

“Really, we need to drop “conspiracy theorist”. It paints a huge bulls-eye on our backs. Also, CT’s are soon to be considered domestic terrorists or extremists…”

[citation needed]

We need something else.”

You could try not being a conspiracy theorist. That is very much an option here. An option you should try.

critical

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

CT

“They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.” – Carl Sagan

holmes

I’m starting to think there’s a reason people hate conspiracy theorists, but I can’t quite figure it out. Hmmmm…..

Orwell

“Renaming something to sound nicer? What the fuck is this, 1984!?”

The powers that be will take down conspiracy theorists. And so they’ll fight back with…ONLINE PETITIONS! YEAH! Just like in 1984!

Should conspiracy theorists rename themselves? Well, I’d suggest they give their cause a more accurate name, like “Shitheads who won’t shut up about how no one died in that terrorist attack because of their persecution complexes and arrogance” but that might be a bit long. So conspiracy theorist should stay for now.

The Week in Conspiracy Theorists

NOBODY DIED, NO ONE GOT HURT

I’ve missed a lot in the conspiracy theory world since mocking #GamerGate back in September. Here is a recap of everything you missed:

  • ISIS DON’T REAL
  • EBOLA: DOES REAL, BUT WHO MADE IT DO REAL???
  • Some assholes putting up a Building 7 collapse billboard in New York

So, ISIS. Is it real? Yes. It’s one thing to say “American policy in the region is responsible for the rise of ISIS” and another to say “AMERICA MADE ISIS”.

Sadly, author and political consultant Naomi Wolf is among those who have hitched a ride on the ISIS-Don’t-Real train, and in the process exposed something rather odd. Not only did the US create ISIS, but they staged those beheadings!

Ah yes, Nobody Died-ism, my old friend. The idea that the government will do something unspeakably horrific, but back off at some odd point: they’ll create ISIS, but they wouldn’t actually behead any journalists! It’s another paradox in conspiracy theorist’s beliefs, much like the classic, “the conspiracy will bring down the twin towers, but refuse to go ahead and kill one crazy person ranting on the internet”.

AND NOW, HITLER.

rconspiracy is a cesspool

R/Conspiracy celebrated Rosh Hashanah by making a six-hour long work of Hitler apologism their featured documentary. Thanks to this, their sidebar was – and for the first time ever, I can say this sincerely – literally Hitler. Happy 5775?

Note: I think I have two-thirds of r/conspiracy tagged as “antisemitic” by now.

___________________________

NEWTOWN

I just noticed that one of the links in that screencap is someone pointing out that the FBI’s crime statistics include zero deaths in Newtown, PROVING no one died at Sandy Hook. Yes! Of course! They’ll fake the murders, then…refuse to lie on the crime statistics? What? As always, conspiracy theorists believe two things:

  1. There’s a conspiracy of unparalleled evil that’ll stop at nothing, and controls everything.
  2. They leave obvious clues to their wrongdoing and do nothing to stop random people on the internet from unraveling their plan.

A simultaneous persecution complex and power fantasy. Incredible.

The claim’s been debunked by Snopes; since the state police handled Sandy Hook, the deaths are counted under state statistics.

________________________________________

THE NEW ENEMY

ByohrpbIYAAShphOne of r/conspiracy’s top posts was this joke about how their favorite holiday was “the annual unveiling of the new enemy”. The comments are a bunch of people who haven’t read 1984 making cracks about how we’ve always been at war with Eurasia.

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MUSICAL INTERLUDE

 

The great thing about being a political musician is that you don’t actually have to make a good song, since only people who agree with you will be listening and they’ll be too busy nodding in agreement to notice that you’re fucking terrible. And why write a song about one thing when you can write a song about all the things? Proposed alternate title for this song: “We Didn’t Start the Fire…Because THEY Started The Fire And Fire Can’t Melt Steel Anyway (ft. Skylar Grey)”.

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MEDIOCRE AND CANCELLED

polls_911_simpsons_5630_727607_answer_1_xlargeThe X-Files spinoff The Lone Gunmen is famous for exactly one thing: freaking 9/11 truthers out. See, the pilot features a plot to hijack a plane and fly it into the World Trade Center. I know this because I watched it, live, as it aired. This fact occasionally gets brought up on Reddit and freaks everyone the fuck out.

I’ve always wondered, though, what truthers are saying by pointing this out? There’s a massive conspiracy and they planted clues to it happening in popular media because…? Supposedly, to “prepare” people for 9/11. Because…?

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ACTUALLY CREEPY SHIT

Despite what some may say, gaming is not under assault by vicious feminist succubi out to take away your games. Gaming has nice allies, like the military it glorifies in endless militaristic first person shooters. Hell, there’s even a game made as a recruitment tool for the army.

Call of Duty director David Anthony believes there should be plainclothes soldiers in schools to prevent attacks. “The public won’t like it, they’ll think it’s a police state”, he says, “when we have a new product that has elements that we’re not sure how people will respond to, what do we do as a corporation? We market it, and we market it as much as we can–so that whether people like it or not, we do all the things we can to essentially brainwash people into liking it before it actually comes out”.

Holy shit. Some guy literally said there should be armed soldiers in classrooms and the public needs to be brainwashed into liking it, least they think they’re in a “police state”. So what are the TOP MINDS saying about this?

“My high school already has security, including an armed police officer. Having a soldier in our school wouldn’t be much different”

“Implying kids actually play CoD for the story. Pretty much everyone I know who buys the yearly CoD release plays the campaign mode once then only plays multiplayer after that.”

Keep fucking that chicken, r/conspiracy!

Note: the lengths people will go to in order to not discuss gun control are incredible. “How do we protect kids in the case of a school shooting? Maybe we should implement gun-” “YES, WE SHOULD ARM EVERY TEACHER. IT’S THE ONLY WAY.” Keep fucking that chicken, society???