Unexpected Conspirators

Destroy Science and Replace It With Magical Lightning, Says UTC Student

And here’s a baffling video from the University of Cape Town, in which someone advances that all science must be abolished and replaced with African science, because “western” science does not acknowledge African science, namely conjuring lightning via witchcraft. When someone disrespectfully shouts that it’s “not true”, they try to enforce the rules of the space – namely, respect for all ideas, including lightning witchcraft being equal to science, and Isaac Newton being a colonial force who invented gravity from whole cloth after seeing an apple fall and imposed his made-up idea on the world. It’s really, really something:

RAINBOWS? IN OUR SPRINKLERS!?

July 6th, 2007. 4:30 PM. Northern California. A woman uncovers HAARP’s “rainbow aerosols” that create rainbows…near the ground! You didn’t see that sort of thing 20 years ago, she declares in vibrant and readable muddy yellow on muddy red.

“What the heck is in our water supply?” this warrior for truth asks, “What the heck is in our oxygen supply? …What is oozing out of our ground?”” What dastardly scheme is Roy G. Biv up to now!?

“Well all know this didn’t happen 20 years ago,” apparently, “But now it’s happening now.”

“We need to raise our voices, before they take away our rights…in their never-ending thirst for energy sources!”

Huh? What does this have to do with rainbows? In our sprinklers? If you’re hoping for an explanation, there is none: after 2 minutes, the bizarre odyssey of a woman who really, really hates rainbows ends as mysteriously as it began. That mystifying lack of context, awful video quality and inane source of panic mark this as one of the greatest conspiracy theory videos of all time, a true work of art.

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The Space Lizard Report is being retooled. There shall be a cool new friend (whom everyone will talk about when he isn’t on-screen) and babies for everyone, and it will soon be multi-camera. LAUGH TRACK

Browsing r/conspiracy is depressing. And you can only call out violent paranoia and bigotry so many times. So while I’ll still mock conspiracy theories, I’ll also make fun of all kinds of weird, paranormal sub-cultures. UFOlogists! Ghost hunters! Crytozoologists! Forteana believers of all kinds! There’s a smorgasbord of oddities out there beyond loathsome Redditors, and it’s time to explore it.

 

One Year Ago, the Chicago fuckin’ Cubs Pulled Some Illuminati Shit, or Something?

Yesterday the Milwaukee Brewers played the Chicago Cubs and lost, blowing their long-held lead in their division in the last stretch because of course they did.

But a Godlike Productions poster is here to remind us that one year ago, something altogether more sinister happened in Milwaukee.

On June 26, 2013, the Chicago Cubs vs Milwaukee Brewers game was on live on Chicago’s WGN network.
The guy in this YT video below was the first to catch the moment thru his DVR.

The date was a significant one: it was the 194th birthday of Abner Doubleday, the proclaimed Father of Baseball who invented the game. What was really interesting too was the location: the Miller Park Stadium in Milwaukee is right off Interstate 94 or I-94 (194)blink!

During a baseball game, a page of symbols appeared. Satanic symbols like pentagrams, all-seeing eyes…plus the Hammer & Sickle and fleur-de-lis.

The poster goes on to say:

Interesting clip from a 1999 episode of The Simpsons…

A clip from The Simpsons! That…proves…???

The baseball itself has a DOUBLE INFINITY design, also as the number 88, which has been showing up lately since this year’s Super Bowl.

Oh my god, the seams on this ball are ILLUMINATI SYMBOLISM!

No way this image is serious. But even it isn’t, I don’t doubt that the poster believes it sincerely.

Good read here…

The Masonic Ritual of Baseball

– The Square and the Compass
– The Checkerboard
– Numerology
The numerology aspect of baseball is something to look at closely because it relates directly to the sacred numbers. You will notice that almost all numbers related to baseball are multiples or divisors of 9.

3 strikes
3 outs
9 fielding positions
9 innings
27 outs per game
81 homes games
81 games on the road

Here’s what those studied in the occult have to say about the occult kabbalistic ritual of Baseball:

The Masons and the Illuminati have a dastardly plan and they chose to reveal it…via the Chicago Cubs and Milwaukee Brewers? What’s next, a message from the reptilians at a Jaguars-Titans game? Is this the Illuminati equivalent of dumping news you want buried on a Friday afternoon?

Why do these conspiracy theories always revolve around shitty teams, anyway? The Cubs haven’t won the World Series in 106 years, but obviously they’re part of a conspiracy that secretly controls the world! And the Vancouver Canucks rule Canada.

THE SACRIFICE FLY

The BATTER at home plate is actually the BAITER, and like BAIT, as the BATTER hits the Ball, the masses get hooked in the excitement and just like MAGIC… lend their intense focus and energy to this kabbalistic ritual. There is no way that the coming world devastation could ever come to fulfillment without the use of mass media and the luciferian kabbalistic rituals we call sports, religious gatherings, political rallies and elections, and just general entertainment. All this had to be put in place first, or none of the killing and natural disasters could ever be accomplished on a worldwide scale, and still be undetected as to who is responsible for them. This is symbolized in the Caduceus of Hermes, or the Caduceus of Mercury medical symbol, where we see two snakes intertwining around a pole with wings that represent the spirit of god. It is this SION serpent, which again is the ZION serpent that is the Serpent of duality that is the driving force behind all sporting events and the Olympic games.

To this type of person, everything must have secret occult meaning. Baseball’s not a game, it’s an arcane ritual meant to brainwash us! And what better vehicle for brainwashing than a game that’s notoriously declining in popularity?

And the devastation of the world shall, as always, fool everyone except for some random person on the internet who believes they’re a genius and the only one to figure everything out.

The game on the diamond was played out so that the accuser(pitcher) could not rule over man, but the law would. The accuser stands upon the mound 66 gilgul, or the place of the skulls. This is also the same spot as the masonic “G” in the square and compass design. So the accuser stands in the place of God or “Grand Architect” as the masons call it. The accuser’s dominion is the cycles of birth and rebirth, or if you are counting, 60 feet 6 inches. The accuser stands upon the mound to split the accused(batter) in two. He is trying to rule over the batter by accusing the batter. The accusation splits the batter in two.

What?

To understand this better, Jesus stands before Pilate, and Pilate gives the crowd a choice, Jesus, King of the jews, or Joshua Bar Abbas, Jesus son of the father. It’s the same person, there is no other person there. What Pilate did is make the crowd choose, thereby giving himself authority over the death of Jesus. The fact is Pilate split the name in two to create that duality to use the power of death against Jesus. He accused him and split him in two.

What??

Back to baseball. The accuser is there to split the batter in two. The baseball represents the pod, or the Power Of Death. The BAT represents the whole of the law. And by the law the accuser is thwarted, so that he can not use the power of death, against the batter. The batter is like Job, he takes a side, but that leaves the other side unprotected. This is why the batter must be successful at least one third of the time, hence three strikes and you are out. When the batter takes a side, he is unprotected and the accuser will surely broadside him, this is why the bat protects the other side. With the breakdown of the law, the accuser finds his weakness and exploits it to make him fear the limit of death, and make him believe he has power over his life. To get away from the accusing finger of the pitcher, and the judgement of his side, the batter must hit the ball (pod) or power of death, where the accuser is not. Now the Ball represents the power of death. Death only get’s it’s power from your belief in it.

What?!?!

Maya Angelou will not attend the 2014 MLB Beacon Awards Luncheon, where she will be honored.

Major League Baseball cited “health reasons” Friday in saying the 86-year-old won’t make it to the May 30 event in Houston before the annual Civil Rights Game.

Angelou canceled an event last month in Fayetteville, Arkansas, because she was recovering from an “unexpected ailment” that sent her to the hospital.

The caged bird who helped free the minds of racist America: Poet Maya Angelou is found dead aged 86 after final prophetic tweet

Maya Angelou, the groundbreaking poet and author who inspired millions of Americans with her moving memoirs and works of fiction, is dead at 86.

A caretaker found Angelou dead at her home in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, on Wednesday morning when she arrived to check on the ailing poet.

My god, it’s so clear now! A dying Maya Angelou didn’t skip out on an event due to her health. Major League Baseball had her murdered because…?

Further replies continue to grasp for straws. The trailer for the now-forgotten movie Million Dollar Arm is cited as…nothing; no context is given.

Those wondering if all of baseball is in bed with the Illuminati or not should note that the author freaks out about the Brewers and Cubs playing the day she posted this.

brewers

So it’s specifically the Cubs and Brewers that are in with the nebulous conspiracy. Is this a local midwestern conspiracy, or just a poorly planned one?

Imagine the discussion. “Alright, gang. I’ve decided what sports teams to invite into our world-spanning conspiracy. First we capture the Chicago Cubs, Toronto Maple Leafs, Milwaukee Bucks, and Cleveland Browns! Then we’ll go across the pond and recruit Sunderland, Newcastle and the entire English national team! We’ll be ruling the world in no time with this brilliant scheme!”

In 1987, in Chicago, an unknown person hijacked PBS’ feed during an episode of Doctor Who.

What was the meaning behind it? Nothing. There was no conspiracy burying messages in episodes of Doctor Who, and there’s no conspiracy hiding their symbols in a Cubs-Brewers game. What we’re looking at here is likely just some employee of WGN pulling a prank. But internet types who look for meaning in everything saw meaning in it, as they are wont to do.

Above: The finale of the Illuminati’s secret plan.

The Sinister Truth Behind The…Vancouver Canucks!?

200px-Vancouver_Canucks_logo.svgThe Vancouver Canucks are not a great hockey team. They’ve yet to win the Stanley Cup despite three finals appearances. Yet according to one since-deleted entry on Craigslist, they’re up to something altogether more sinister.

What’s happened is the following.

In the late eighties or early nineties, members of the Vancouver Canucks have masqueraded themselves as federal officials and have appealed to both the Canada Post of British Columbia, and to a number of municipal banks, and have advised them that they have been a part of a federal mail censorship program. The program was rerouting mail through the banks for their own perusal, as they had many targetted pieces which they were not allowing to be sent on. They would appear at banks all over the province, still to this day, rifle through what had been routed through them, take things, and then allow whatever was left over to be passed on. This could include love letters, letters from realized long lost relatives, scholarships, university acceptance letters, federal official communications, prize winnings, job offers, summer camp invites, etc. They, and only they know where all of this mail has gone.

So members of the Vancouver Canucks are stealing mail from banks across British Columbia and no one’s noticed this but this one Craigslist poster. No one notices the weekly visits from hockey players, who are of course unrecognizable and obscure in hockey-ambivalent Canada, posing as federal officials to take mail because…? (more…)