conspiracy

Top Minds: “No Major Sporting Event Has Been Attacked By Terrorists, Except All Those Ones That Were.”

It’s been a long time, friends. I haven’t made a new post on this blog since last Halloween. Truth be told, while I’ve occasionally dipped into the well of inane conspiracy theories, I’ve been too busy. But I know I missed a lot. So here’s a quick summary of my views regarding the events that have gone on in the world since last October:

*SCREAMS FOREVER*

Now that that’s done with, onto a little post I found while browsing r/conspiracy. For those unfamiliar with r/conspiracy, picture a flaming dumpster. Now, throw it into another flaming dumpster. And then throw that dumpster into a larger flaming dumpster covered with antisemitic graffiti. Congrats, you’ve just lived the r/conspiracy experience!

The top post all-time on r/conspiracy is a story about the police shooting a user’s dog by mistake. Tragic to be sure, but a bit hard to mesh with the fact that r/conspiracy does not care one bit about black people shot by police. r/conspiracy has displayed an amazing propensity for looking at major events that fit their world view perfectly and ignoring them completely to rave about false flag nonsense, racism or just plain bullshit.

And today’s bullshit deals with sports. Conspiracy theorists hate sports. Sports are a secular religion, an obsessive distraction that prevents people from noticing anything going in the world, even during the offseason or when they’re not watching their team’s two-to-three hour-long games, apparently. And sports’ utility as a distraction for the Sheeple is why, according to one Redditor, no major sporting event has ever been attacked by terrorists. Ever.

“People are more psycho about their favorite sports teams than even religion imo. And there is no stigma attached to fanatical sports allegiance. It’s totally accepted.”

Except if you like the Raiders.

“The Elite aka Illuminati, etc. don’t target major sporting events for attacks because they don’t want to disrupt this wonderful population control tool.

The world could be going to shit, but if you can still go batshit crazy over your team’s homerun or goal or touchdown, you’ll still be ok with your shitty life and massive injustices worldwide.”

Indeed, when the Packers score a touchdown, my reaction is always “man, good thing Aaron Rodgers scored that touchdown, now I can forget racism exists forever”. People enjoying themselves and celebrating something for a few hours? Clearly the most devious Illuminati plot of them all.

So you might be thinking, wait, attacks have occurred against major sporting events. The attacks at the Munich and Atlanta Olympics, the Boston marathon bombing, the Paris attack that happened just last year. Well, in a backtrack of epic proportions, our intrepid Redditor explains why none of those events count.

Edit: sorry the Boston marathon, centennial olympics aren’t major sporting events. MLB NBA NFL NHL, and i guess rugby, soccer, and cricket are major sports.

The Olympics, a month-long event featuring thousands of athletes from every country in the world competing in nearly thirty sports, is not a major sporting event. The Boston marathon, one of the world’s most prominent marathons, isn’t either. Only team sports count as major sporting events, and he guesses soccer, the most popular sport worldwide, a sport with high-profile leagues in a dozen countries, in addition to champion’s league and national team play, might count as a “major sport”.

Edit2: The bombing outside the soccer game in Paris only killed one person. One. And it was outside. And they finished playing the game. Hardly a major attack. What happened in the rest of Paris combined was obviously a major attack and a tragedy, but no major sports attacks.

…because a security guard stopped them. It only killed one person because a security guard stopped them from entering. They finished playing the game because they didn’t want to let thousands of spectators out into a ongoing terrorist attack.

If there’s a guy outside stabbing everyone who walks out the door, and you tell people to stay inside so they don’t get stabbed, but one guy goes out and gets stabbed, that doesn’t mean you weren’t under attack by a bizarrely single-minded and persistent knife-wielding criminal just because not enough people got stabbed. And why wouldn’t the police stop a guy who was just standing by a door with a knife? I’m SO ANGRY at the plot holes in my own metaphor, grrrr-

But somehow, that wasn’t an attack on a major sporting event. Because it wasn’t an attack, unlike the Olympics bombings, which weren’t at major sporting events.

EDIT 3: Of course all attacks are evil and horrible tragedies. And I am certainly not calling for any future attacks to occur. I would be devasted just as I’m devasted after any attack, Major or Minor.

It could be a Boy Scout Soap Box Derby with one broken bone and I’d still cry.

I was simply sharing my theory about why a major attack (like, over 20 ppl killed) hasnt happened inside a major sport (MLB, Nfl, nhl, nba, rugby soccer cricket).

Because apparently, 20 people killed is a “major attack”. 19 people, that’s nothing. Sad, but not a major attack. A mere bombing doesn’t count, and neither do over 100 people dying adjacent to sports. But one more person dies? That’s the new 9/11 right there. But only if it happens at certain sports, apparently. It’s almost like he’s defining things in such a way that they validate his own terrible theory!

So the Elite, or the Illuminati, keep us safe at MLB, NFL, NHL and NBA games, and even at those weird sports brown people like, because people watching sports for a few hours is somehow the ultimate distraction from the truth. Is entertainment a conspiracy? Is joy itself a tool the Man uses to keep you down? The “truth” may surprise you…with its breathtaking idiocy and incomprehensible, hole-filled nature.

Advertisements

“Who Makes Steve Guttenberg A Star?” No One, Because Steve Guttenberg Died In 1991.

A gem from 2008, a IMDB user known as diehardjl05 believes that:

Steve Guttenberg died 07/08/91 from complications with a blood clot, I remember back then on ET, for the red carpet premiere for Point Break, Lori Petty talking about how sad this was and she was there with Eric La salle pre ER fame, but then it wasn’t mentioned again.

Rudolph “Rudy” Guttenberg, Steve’s older brother, took over as Steve Guttenberg in late 1992/1993. He just took the name and has been his since then.

Incredibly, another user claims to have also seen this red carpet interview and the original poster states that this fact was previously listed on Guttenberg’s Wikipedia page.

In 1995 I was at the Odium Convention Center in Effinghag Georgia for a Blockbuster sponsored movie convention….Steve Guttenberg was sitting there signing autographs…after he signed I asked for a picture with him and he agreed, after the pic I asked him if Ally Sheedy had become all full of herself when they were doing short circuit since she was still riding the fame of breakfast club which came out the previous year. At first he paused then said “Ally Sheedy? No we Sort Circuit came out before Breakfast Club”. I was stunned and didnt know what to say, how did I know his filmography better than he did, breakfast club came out in 1985 the same year as Cocoon, then in 1986 Short Circuit came out…

The Breakfast Club did indeed come out before Short Circuit. He could have meant that he shot Short Circuit before The Breakfast Club’s release. Considering that The Breakfast Club largely took place in one room, and Short Circuit required extensive special effects, it’s not unbelievable that Short Circuit could have been shot before The Breakfast Club but come out later. I cannot confirm this, however, as I can’t find the filming dates for Short Circuit.

Anyways I thought he just messed up but then I said so what do you think about the ghost in 3 men and a baby, was it real. He then looked at me and said “what ghost” I said “ya know the famous ghost behind the curtains scene” he again said he had no idea what I was talking about

Maybe he was just confused about why you were asking him about a cardboard cutout.

….then I said in a joking manner “hey what have you done with the real Steve Guttenberg”. Immediately after I said this he kind of looked down and walked back towards his people and this woman came out of nowhere and said to stop harassing Mr. Guttenberg or she would have me arrested.

“I asked him several irrelevant questions and asked him a bizarre, hostile one when confused. How dare they say I harassed him!”

I thought it was all weird, ever since then I thought there was a cover up of somehting, not to mention he was wearing a hat and sunglasses inside….trying to cover his face I guess. Anyways, there are bits and pieces of this mystery all over the net…I emplore you all to find out the truth.

I feel like “somehting” is wrong with this post. I “emplore” you to find a dictionary.

The thread later spawns this amazing theory from Ixnatifual:

It’s all true, except that it was not his brother who took over Steve’s identity. A magical simulacrum was created from bags of decomposing Corn Flakes in the likeness of Steve Guttenberg, and it is this creature which now parades around as a mockery of the now dead actor from whom it owes its appearance.

And the equally incredible response from Secondarymodern:

Oh man, if someone throws milk at Guttenberg, he’s so screwed.

About as believable as the serious posts!

Steve Guttenberg, widely tolerated star of the silver screen, died on July 8th, 1991. Alas, the Powers that Be knew that America could not stand to lose a superstar like him during such a trying time. He disappeared for a few years, and when he returned he just wasn’t the same. His identical, less talented brother, who did not make a film until after a conspicuous four-year absence, replaced him. To help America. His heralded return in a movie co-starring Kirstie Alley and the Olson Twins just didn’t catch on, for some strange, presumably twin-brother-posing-as-national-hero-Steve-Guttenberg reasons. How else could such wonderful comeback year projects fail? Look at the other films he made in 1995 – Guttenberg’s first films since 1990:

MY GOD. Look at that first movie, It Takes Two!

Two unrelated young girls who happen to look identical suddenly meet. Amanda Lemmon (Mary-Kate Olsen) is an orphan, and she is about to be adopted by the Butkises, a family whom she doesn’t like. She actually wants her child-loving social worker, Diane Barrows (Kirstie Alley), to adopt her instead. Diane would like to do so, but authorities will not let her because of her low salary. Alyssa Callaway (Ashley Olsen) is coming home from her boarding school’s piano recital competition, only to find that her wealthy father, Roger (Steve Guttenberg), is about to marry Clarice Kensington (Jane Sibbett) a socialite who threatens to send her soon-to-be stepdaughter to boarding school in Tibet.

The girls switch places and find out that Roger and Diane would fit together perfectly.

Much like Stanley Kubrick’s coded moon landing confessions in The Shining, this is a key to the truth. We’re through the looking glass here, people, and it’s time to grab the white rabbit’s ears and fucking ride down the Yellow Brick Road until you all take the red pill.

Identical siblings? Switching places? Who are the loveable parents in this scenario? Could it be a divided America, healed by the return of the late Steve Guttenberg to the cinema? Time for a documentary unraveling all this symbolism! I’ll call it Room 23-MenAndABaby.

Two years later he starred in a direct-to-video sequel to the eminently forgettable live-action Casper movie made in 1996, and a made-for-TV adaption of a Disney World ride. His fame became a joke on The Simpsons. I can’t think why his career never got back on track! Must be his twin brother posing as him after his untimely death, as announced by a E! red carpet reporter covering the premier of Point Break.

Alas, the only witnesses – living witnesses – to this tragedy are a showbiz reporter, ER’s Eriq La Salle and one IMDB poster, for a powerful conspiracy suppressed the news of Guttenberg’s death before it could reach anyone else. Assuredly, any upload of this announcement suffers an immediate takedown at the hands of the powerful Steve Guttenberg conspiracy.

In 1991, a moderately popular comedian died. And the truth has been covered up ever since.

Via Snopes.

Reddit Hates Jews

This blog has been quiet so far this year, but not for lack of material. Just CRUSHING DESPAIR.

The Charlie Hebdo attacks prompted the usual cries of “FALSE FLAG!” from the top minds of r/conspiracy. It also inspired the usual antisemitism.

The top voted post about the attacks this month was…this cartoon:

Antisemitism

 

How does this relate to the attack? Because Charlie Hebdo once fired a cartoonist for making an antisemitic joke, and r/conspiracy is obsessed with it: of the top 25 posts this month, three out of four posts dealing with the Charlie Hebdo attacks were about the cartoonist fired over antisemitism.

But maybe they’re just really concerned about freedom of speech. After all, the r/conspiracy crowd rarely says anything about Jews. They just think there’s a Zionist conspiracy, not a –

r/isrconspiracyracist‘s users have discovered that certain users, like the terribly named Antiochus88, will post antisemitic videos or links – but swap out “Jew” for “Zionist” in the post’s title. They are interchangeable to this crowd.

I am not cherrypicking any examples of r/conspiracy being terrible; I’m just looking at what their users upvoted in the last week.

There are entries about the attack being a false flag. Guess what nation they blame?

antisemitism2

The link goes to an International Business Times article – that’s been retracted for being erroneous.

The theory du jour: Israel ordered the attack in retribution for France potentially recognizing Palestine. One wonders why there were no strikes on Sweden, or Iceland, or the 133 other countries across the world that actually recognize Palestine.

The top 25 posts this week contain four posts about murdered or jailed Palestinian journalists and cartoonists; one post about Israelis plotting to blow up the Mexican parliament in 2001 (more on that later); two posts on a French comedian banned from performing due to his antisemitic act; and three more posts about various instances of Israeli censorship.

To be fair, some of these are valid concerns. The murder or arrest of journalists is abhorrent anywhere. Accepting any kind of racism is hypocritical. But if they were focused on the rights of journalists, they’d probably be talking about more than just abuses in Palestine. Many people have pointed out the anti-journalist actions of the world leaders who attended the Paris march. There is no reason to focus on Israel – they had nothing to do with the attacks, and their leaders were just one of many to attend the Paris march. There is a reason they’re so focused on these incidents specifically.

The Mexico story, it turns out, does not involve two Israelis plotting to blow up Mexico’s Parliament. It involves one Israeli and one Mexican Jew – since, again, these words are interchangeable to this crowd and attacking “Israelis” makes them seem not quite so antisemitic. This story never caught on with the mainstream media, another sign of their bias against stories that aren’t true. But one user explains why the media ignored it:

MSM

Ah yes, the ol’ “Jews own the media” canard. With just a dash of “Jews did 9/11!”. What’s next, blood libel? Wait, they’ve already done that?

Though I sadly didn’t screencap it, for a time every other link on r/conspiracy’s main page was about Israel, Jews or “Zionists” – in response to an event that did not involve Israel, and where Jewish people were inarguably victims (the kosher market attack, far as I can tell, went unmentioned). And among them was this entry:

antisemitism3

They’re not saying Jews did 9/11, they’re just saying some Jews were adjacent to 9/11!

If you can discern anything from this blog post, I salute you. I just gave up when I saw that it descends into one gigantic block halfway through.

This is a subreddit that marked Rosh Hashanah by making a six-hour documentary about how Hitler was misunderstood their featured documentary. A photo of a Holocaust survivor turns into a opportunity for them to slam the “paid shills” of Israel. This blog’s first post was a moderator’s defense of David Duke. An entire subreddit exists solely to collect their racism.

r/conspiracy is a goddamn cesspool, home to edgy 17 year olds (I hope, but I sadly think a lot of these people are much older) whose knowledge of the world derives from South Park and obscure blogs. And they think they’re smarter than everyone else because of this. They’re proud of their ignorance. In their minds, they’re better than you because they draw their entire worldview from nonsense.

Hating Jews lets them be edgy and shocking, but it’s also what they believe: r/whiterights’ userbase overlaps with r/conspiracy, and the most visible members, at least until 3 months ago, included “Antiochus88” – named after a historical oppressor of Jews and a code for “Heil Hitler”, respectively.  r/conspiracy is big with the Stormfront crowd. And so r/conspiracy continues to lash out at “Zionists” and Israel and sometimes, when they don’t bother to disguise it, Jews. It’s impossible to tell who’s just parroting what they hear and who earnestly believes it, and it doesn’t matter.  Both followers and leaders march against Jews in Germany. Both followers and leaders vandalize synagogues. Both chant “Jew, France is not for you”.

Of course, that’s not to say that the users of r/conspiracy engage in such behavior. The only thing more powerful than their racism is their slacktivism.