donald trump

Donald Trump-loving Redditor Places Their Faith in Martin Shkreli

Pictured: horror

Here’s a dispatch from r/The_Donald, a subreddit perhaps better known under its alternative name, “literal Hell”. A Redditor who loves Donald Trump is a potent combination of douchebaggery, and yet to form a proper Asshole Vortex you need something more potent yet.

Ah, there we go!

Martin Shkreli, most universally hated man in America, a smug little Rumpelstilskin-esque goblin whose sins include jacking up the price of medication by thousands and disrespecting the Wu-Tang Clan, has secrets. Secrets about Hillary Clinton, who he tweeted about. Of course, he tweeted that he’d pay $5,000 for a lock of her hair because who even knows. Who even fucking knows, Jesus Christ. Jesus. Jesus fucking Christ, everything. God damn. Fucking shit. Jesus Christ. What the fuck. God FUCKING damn everythinANYWAY back to discussing r/The_Donald, a subreddit devoted to the President, Donald TruJESUS CHRIST, GODFUCKINGARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!

 

Would be top kek if his over zealous jailing triggered 10k hill emails to drop

I think the theory here goes that Shkreli is hiding Hillary’s secrets, and if anything happened to him (like going to jail for his many and varied crimes), he’d release them. Which really raises the question: why do these people care about Hillary anymore? The candidate they supported won. He’s been President for almost a full year JESUS FUCKING CHRIST and they’re expecting…what, exactly? Proof Hillary tried to rig the election she lost? Secrets she’s hiding about the person she didn’t beat? What’s end game here for Trump supporters?

I think if everyone began trying to get all the crooked politicians DNA themselves or at least trollin the fuckers with it, the smokescreen will do crazy shit.

they would be freaked to lose a hair. fuckin top kek.

that would scare the shit outta tons of crooks. but normies dgaf. nice.

What does that mean. What does that even mean oh god I’m having a stroke goodbye friends

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The Neo-McCarthyism of Louise Mensch

Louise Mensch is a former member of Parliament who gained attention in the United States by exposing Trump’s ties to Russia; her career since has been a conspiratorial clusterfuck, an unrelenting tide of unsupported accusations and conspiracy theories that would make any Redditor blush. In short, Mensch, a former Tory, is quickly becoming the Alex Jones of American centrists – but far more damaging.

That Russia interfered in the 2016 election, or at least covertly supported Trump, is a fact. What’s not is Mensch’s view that the Russians left their fingerprints all over, well, everything.

Andrew Breitbert, the bloated, clogged heart of the media empire of the same name, died of a heart attack. As someone who saw Breitbart speak live, this is by far the least surprising thing to ever happen. His speech consisted of screaming at the top of his voice that every last protestor (at a rally with a counter-protestor:protestor ratio of 10:1) should go to Hell. But if you ask Mensch, Breitbart was murdered by Russian agents. Shootings such as that in Istanbul become Russian false flags; so, too, are the sexts of Anthony Weiner. Believing foreign corruption is needed to make Anthony Weiner send a dick pic is truly the most unbelievable thing in American politics: I’d sooner accept that Area 51 is holding aliens than that Anthony Weiner needs any prompting at all to take a picture of his junk.

People aligned with Trump are part of the Russian plot. So are people opposed to Trump and Russia. Putin’s grand scheme includes both Trump and Bernie Sanders, liberal and conservative journalists, Putin’s critics and Putin’s supporters, statesmen and Twitter randos. You get the sense that the only people definitively not part of the conspiracy are…Mensch and her supporters.

None of Mensch’s accusations are supported with evidence, but that hasn’t stopped her from compiling a list of 200 plus people she accuses of being Russian agents. Secretive lists of Russians used to throw around accusations of treason is something that’s never gone disastrously, horribly wrong in American history.

But there are moments that go from “ridiculous fringe” to out-and-out offensive, and deeply troubling. Mensch also claimed the demonstrations in Ferguson were Russian operations, and so is voter suppression. And elsewhere a brewing xenophobia lurks: TIME Magazine representing Russian influence by showing the White House morphing into, not, say, the Kremlin, but a goddamn Orthodox cathedral; or Congressman Ted Lieu making up a story about his child asking if Trump is “part Russian”.

“The persistence of people making up stories about their children in the face of constant ridicule is truly inspiring,” said my nine-year old.

One of my favorite instances of this is this Tweet:

Cyrillic autocracy. The authoritarian regime of…a alphabet! A writing system that’s not even exclusive to the Russian language. Yes, truly Putin is trolling us all with his devious dictatorship of the weird-looking letters. First, our democracy – next, our very Latin letters!

Ivan the Terrible didn’t campaign in Wisconsin either.

Russia absolutely interfered in American politics. But so much of the Russian conspiracy theories propagated by Mensch and her comrades feel like dodges. If our election was controlled by a foreign power, then why bother looking at what went wrong? That a vile candidate won over too many of your fellow citizens is scary; it’s easier to place the blame on an outsider, a mastermind pulling the strings. It’s the same impulse behind all conspiracy theories: a kind of comforting terror, the idea that the world is not just chaos, but that there’s some reason behind it, because someone – even an evil someone – planning what happens is preferable to no one.

But whatever Russia did do to our election, Vladimir Putin didn’t make Hillary Clinton not campaign in Wisconsin or Michigan; he didn’t force the Democrats to embrace pragmatic centrism at the worst possible time; he didn’t make Americans hateful and paranoid. Nor did he ferment unrest in Ferguson, or make it difficult for African-Americans to vote: American racism did that. Every moment spent spinning outlandish conspiracy theories is a moment America’s left isn’t looking at their own mistakes – and it’s bringing us one moment closer to Trumpism’s reign continuing.

And you must always remember the difference between a government and its people. Criticizing a leader must never turn into a demonization of a culture; after all, there are far, far more Russian victims of Putin than American ones. Putin is Russian. So is Pussy Riot.

There’s more to dig into, but my borscht is getting cold…er, so dosvedanya, comrades.

Happy Loyalty Day

Today is May Day, a day commemorating the Haymarket massacre and the labor movement. It’s also Beltane, an ancient Celtic rite where celebrants usher in summer by dancing around a giant Freudian pole. And of course, outdoor fucking starts today.

Alternatively, if you’re the President of the United States, Tinyhands Mussolini, then today is Loyalty Day, a day to proclaim your enduring loyalty to the United States. Another Orwellian overreach by America’s wannabe-dictator-in-chief, a horrifying display of power by…President Harding?

Far from Loyalty Day being a modern Orwellian McCarthyist clusterfuck of a holiday, Loyalty Day is a very old Orwellian McCarthyist clusterfuck of a holiday. Designed to co-opt May Day in the name of anti-communism, every May 1st has been declared Loyalty Day ever since. The crucial difference is that, before Trump, no one gave a shit about it, President or citizen. As should be expected: much of America’s paranoid, xenophobic horseshit didn’t originate with him. It was merely elevated by him and his political style, which is pure, unfiltered id, with no need for dogwhistles and respectable smarm. Trump didn’t invent anything; he just, unlike every smarmy conservative before him, said what he actually meant, letting his hate out from under the rock and into the light. And it won him the Presidency, because we are not better than this; we are this.

Trump isn’t some new, anti-American force: Trump is every vice and illness of America given flesh. Trump is America: the true America. And that’s what he wants us to express our loyalty to. Happy loyalty day.

The President of the United States wants you to take his internet survey

This blog has been quiet for a while, mainly because of the void-staring and the internal screaming and the despair. But today I have some quick news for you: Donald Trump, President of the United States, most powerful man in the world, head of the world’s only superpower, the man in control of our nation’s nuclear weapons, is angry at the JOURNALISTS and is fighting back – with a internet survey.

The biased media, spreading fake news by citing things Trump said accurately and doing their jobs, will be taken to task by the President making it 2007 again. His survey includes such unbiased questions as “Do you believe that the media unfairly reported on President Trump’s executive order temporarily restricting people entering our country from nations compromised by radical Islamic terrorism?”, “Were you aware that a poll was released revealing that a majority of Americans actually supported President Trump’s temporary restriction executive order?”, and “Do you believe that if Republicans were obstructing Obama like Democrats are doing to President Trump, the mainstream media would attack Republicans?”. What unskewed results these shall bring! Nate Silver would be proud, if he hadn’t renounced the lies of numbers, those wicked motherfuckers that only ever lie and get you pissed, on November 10th 2016 and embraced a new life as a Patagonian sheepherder.

But before you’re tempted to engage in some good ol’ slacktivism by writing in “mean” (read: accurate) answers to every question, you should know that this survey is an – admittedly hilariously awful – scheme to get you on Trump’s mailing list, and your responses matter less than the ability of Trump’s staff to be able to cite the pure numbers of how many people took said survey, with your clever Drumpf jokes being lost like tears in the rain.

The Horrible World of Alt-Right Music

Today, as long-rumored, the Nobel Prize committee bestowed their Literature award on songwriter Bob Dylan, who wrote songs for such singers as Jimi Hendrix. So it is only fitting, on a great day for music, that I share with you the worst song of the year – the alt-right version of “We Didn’t Start the Fire”.

“We Didn’t Start the Fire” is already a terrible song, but appending lyrics about Islamophobia, Donald Trump and the hotness of Marine Le Pen takes it to a horrific new level. This video is not on Youtube, or it wasn’t last time I checked. It was CENSORED by the BETA CUCKS running Youtube, or alternatively, it was automatically blocked in the US by a copyright bot. Either way, Liveleak – the internet’s top source for deleted Youtube videos and Eastern European shock videos  – has preserved it for the ages. Come for the tortured, cringe-worthy lyrics, stay for the man playing saxaphone in front of the obligatory Alt-Righter Background Skull:

Click me to see the video!

Click me to see the video!

Previous conspiracy theorist forays into music: 9/11 denialism: the music video!, Infowars sings about ebola